Moonlight Mood-Swings
by Donjusticia
Summary: The following is a parody of Nox Descious's fanfic, "Moonlight Sorrow." Please read and enjoy this story (at least up to chapter 8) before reading and enjoying this parody.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **THE FOLLOWING IS A NON-PROFIT CRAZY FANBOY MADE PARODY OF A NON-PROFIT CRAZY FANBOY MADE FANFIC! "MOONLIGHT SORROW" IS OWNED BY-…! *The rest of the disclaimer gets destroyed as Demon Yuri uses his newly acquired dark powers to blast a hole in this paragraph***

 **Demon Yuri: I HATE DISCLAIMERS! MOVE ON WITH THE CHAPTER ALREADY!  
**

Moonlight Mood-Swings (One or two or maybe three shot!) 

The Professor had had a hectic day, to say the least. Selena had defected from the Lancers, the Lancers had stormed the island in an effort to take back Rin, Ruri, and Yuzu, Sanders had been carded, the Battle Beast had started getting WAY too many moments of character development, Yuri and Selena had apparently been acting weird during each of their respective missions, and through it all, they had only BARELY managed to contain the situation and help Rin, Ruri, and Yuzu back into their respective cells so they could resume their all-important roles as useless peanut-gallery side characters. Still, the Professor needed to know what had gone on during Yuri and Selena's missions, and he needed to know NOW!

Standing before his throne in their respective officer uniforms were Selena and her not-boyfriend, Yuri. Selena was looking just as sadistic and convincingly-turned-to-the-dark-side as ever while Yuri was looking a little conflicted, as if he wanted to ride a motorcycle next minute and commit total universal genocide the next minute. Both of them had their backs turned to each other, Selena keeping a good thirty feet between herself and the massive black stink cloud coming from Yuri's unwashed body. (Yuri always claimed that it was just his usual evil shadowy aura of darkness, but the smell in the Professor's nostrils told him differently.) The two were vehemently arguing with one another, which was really just another way of saying it was Monday.

"For the last time!" Yuri growled. "There is no way in heck you actually beat me in a duel, Miss, 'I'm gonna totally confess my love to Yuri just to get rejected by him because he's a total evil boss!'"

"Oh, like I'd ever confess to you!" Selena hissed, "Mister, 'I need a gallon of cologne a day just to cover up my horrible stench!' Seriously, when's the last time you took a bath!? YESTERDAY!?"

"You're the one who needs to worry about horrible stenches once you let in fifty or so stray cats to live out the rest of your life as a smelly old cat lady!" Yuri countered.

"Oh, yeah!" Selena challenged, "Well, what makes you think I'll be alone?! Maybe I'll just go out with a REALLY fantastic boy whose smart, funny, clean, strong, has GREAT character development, and who wins WAY more duels than you do!"

"Like who!?" Yuri sneered.

"LIKE SHINGO!" Selena bellowed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yuri roared, losing his cabbage-colored mind after Selena's insult.

The Professor sighed in exasperation as the two of them both assumed their respective versions of berserk/enlightened mode and began duking it out in the middle of the hallway.

"ENOUGH!" The Professor commanded, causing both of his totally-100%-loyal-and-not-ever-gonna-stab-him-in-the-back-in-any-way-shape-manner-or-form soldiers to stand at attention. "Just…both of you…tell me EXACTLY what happened after I sent you off on your respective missions, and PLEASE make it short and to the point."

Selena stepped forward, before Yuri knocked her out of the way.

"Oh, it's very simple," Yuri began. "So basically, I totally wasted Yugo and got all those other bracelet chicks back onto their cells while Selena flubbed everything up and left me to clean up her mess!"

"NO!" Selena snarled, shoving Yuri out of the way, "Yuri was going completely bonkers and I had to clean up everything!"

"Says the girl who couldn't even confess to the guy she liked!" Yuri sneered.

"I DON'T LOVE YOU!" Selena roared. "You're the one who's always hitting on me while trying to collect the other girls into your personal bracelet girl harem!"

"I already told you!" Yuri retorted. "The only girl I truly love is Rin!"

"What!?" Selena asked, looking stunned, angry, confused, and heartbroken all at the same time.

"SHUT UP, YUGO!" Yuri roared, punching himself in the face and knocking himself flat on the ground.

"SILENCE!" The Professor commanded, quieting down his totally disciplined and loyal soldiers once again. "Selena, you go first."

"But…but…" Yuri protested, getting up off the ground while Selena smirked at him, "…but I'm your favorite, Professor!"

"Quiet, Yuri!" Leo growled. "You're lucky I let you live as long as I have after I found out you were 25% of a world-destroying demon!"

"On second thought…" the Professor thought to himself, "Why have I let Yuri last as long as I have!? This is stupid, I should have carded the fool years ago! Then I wouldn't have had to worry about Yuri potentially…I don't know…absorbing Yugo and becoming the equivalent of Darth Sidious. I should totally stop Yuri before this gets out of hand. Maybe I'll have Jean-Michell Roger/Roget deal with him; that sounds like a good idea. No…that's stupid, Jean's crazy. Maybe if I let Barrett handle him instead. Yeah, that's good. I'll just have Barrett chain Yuri up before quickly carding him, stopping Zarc's resurrection, and using the bracelet girls as literal fuel to resurrect my bratty 18-21-or-so-year-old daughter who is definitely NOT in love with Zarc!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…you do realize you said all of that out loud." Yuri commented, blinking at the Professor.

"What was that about using me as literal fuel?" Selena growled, cracking her knuckles.

"DAICHI! FRIEDRICH!" Leo shouted, calling over his two psychotic psychiatrists from "Signs of Renewal."

"You didn't hear anything…" Daichi murmured, quickly hypnotizing Selena with one of his Psychic Ink cards, before rewarding her with a chocolate chip cookie once she had complied with erasing her own memory.

"You didn't hear anything either, Yuri." Friedrich insisted.

"BUT I DID!" Yuri protested, before Friedrich began shocking him with a taser while singing "O Tennenbaum" for no reason.

"No, you didn't." Friedrich insisted, holding up the taser threateningly.

"I thought I carded you in 'Moonlight Sorrow.'" Yuri grumbled.

"That was only a hopeful delusion brought about by your inferior mind, just like your delusion of hearing the Professor planning to betray you." Friedrich calmly explained, administering another electric shock to Yuri. "Are we clear? Or do I have to sing another stanza of 'Die Forelle?'"

"We're clear on the fact that you're totally gonna get carded by me!" Yuri snapped, before Friedrich sent a few more volts through his body.

"Did I say card you?" Yuri gasped, coughing out a puff of smoke, "I meant…'WOW! Friedrich is sure one heck of a psychiatrist! I don't know what I'd do without him! Also, I totally didn't hear the Professor say anything during his internal monologue! Must have been the wind!'"

"That's what I thought you said." Friedrich smirked, before he and Daichi exited the room.

"Why does my mouth taste like Rorschach ink blots and chocolate chip cookies?" Selena asked, blinking in confusion as she tried to remember what had just happened.

"You were gonna tell me what had happened." The Professor explained, leaning back in his chair.

"Oh RIGHT!" Selena agreed, nodding her head, before folding her arms over her chest. "Just sit back in that chair and enjoy, Professor. This is how things REALLY happened!"

 **Selena/Serena/Celina's Account:  
**

 _It is done. Sanders has been carded along with all the other minor Lancer characters nobody really cares about, with the exception of Yuya Sakaki._

"Why are you narrating in first person?" Yuri interrupted, looking at Selena with confusion.

"My story, my perspective!" Selena snapped before continuing.

 _Because Yuzu would probably cry and stain my new uniform, I was probably not gonna card the air-headed tomato-head right away anyway, not unless he started trying to egaoify me again, but I still can't let him escape since I'm a totally 100% loyal Academia soldier who don't need no man!_

 _Being the amazing pragmatist that I am, I recruit the Battle Beast to be my personal minion before sending him off to do my bidding and capture Yuya. No doubt Yuri is screwing everything up with his own mission, so I'll need to move quickly in order to clean up his mess._

 _Sure enough, leaving the jungle arena, the first thing I notice is Yuri making out with Rin on the Eastern tower before violently punching himself, shoving Rin back into her cell, and then racing over to the Western tower on Yugo's bike while promising to card everyone in the universe after winning the Friendship Cup…whatever that means.  
_  
"I DID NOT-…!" Yuri began, turning magma-red with rage before the Professor held up a hand to silence him.

While he fumed in anger, Selena continued.

 _Naturally, I am totally not jealous of Rin, nor in any way, shape, manner, or form upset that Yuri was secretly cheating on me…not that we ever had any relationship to begin with. Nevertheless, Yuri's level of insanity and incompetence strikes me as odd, even when considering the fact that it IS Yuri we're talking about._

 _And so, giving my mindless minion, BB, strict orders to…punish Rin for attempting to seduce a soldier of Academia…even if he was an utterly smelly, insensitive, and incompetent one…I run ahead, using my incredible super-woman athletic prowess to catch up to Yuri in order to prevent him from messing up any more of the Professor's all-important plans._

 _It's a good thing I do._

 _Yuri has not only failed to prevent Ruri's rescue, but has met up with Yuya, and instead of carding him like a good Academia agent, is having a friendly conversation with the boy like they are best buddies. Sadly, this does not reflect well on Yuri's loyalty.  
_  
"I WASN'T BEING HIS FRIEND, I WAS TAUNTING HIM, YOU IDIOT!" Yuri protested, tearing at the purple antennae of his hair. Ignoring him, Selena continued with her account.

 _That's when it happens. Sadly, I knew it was bound to happen. What with Yuri's stubborn refusal to take a bath, his crippling losing streak, his shameless incompetency, and his immense insecurities about his personal appearance that cause him to put so much of that horrid hair-gel in his totally-not-attractive-at-all two-toned hair, who could blame the boy for going completely insane? Yet going completely insane is what happens to Yuri, and sadly, to Yuya too, what with all the weird stuff he smokes, which makes him go on a fantastic drug trip whenever he plays that "Smile World" card._

 _Yuri and Yuya are both laughing like demons, ranting insanely about becoming one… and kissing Rin and Ruri for some reason. They're going back and forth. One minute stating in gruesome detail their plans to destroy the world, and the next minute, arguing about which bracelet girl is the hottest one. Such a conversation, I know, cannot end well. (But if anybody must know the answer to the latter question, it is clear that I am the hottest bracelet girl.)_

 _Yuri, sadly, is acting the worst out of the two of them. Not only is he oscillating between talking about Rin and motorcycles, and genocide and Armageddon, he seems to be… fighting himself. He's constantly punching himself in the face, making himself look even uglier than he already does._

 _Rolling my eyes and sighing at how tragically pathetic Yuri is, Ruri and I advance over to the…well…I'm not sure if I can call what Yuya and Yuri are doing a duel, but at any rate, the pathetic excuse of a conflict that is going on between them._

 _"Come, Ruri!" I call to my counterpart. "Let us use our superior bracelet girl goddess powers to end this and bring peace to the universe!"_

 _"Yes, my queen!" Ruri agrees, "I see now that there is no way I can hope to compare with you, Selena! Not when you are so much more pretty, strong-willed, intelligent, awesome, charismatic, and powerful than I could ever be! I shall serve you as your servant in taking down both the semi-attractive Yuya, and his utterly insane and incompetent counterpart, Yuri!"  
_  
"So wait…" The Professor asked, before Yuri could make another retort, "…you allied with Ruri? The exact same girl you were supposed to be keeping locked up?"

"Oh, uh…did I say we fought them together!?" Selena stammered, eyes darting back and forth as she seemed to realize her mistake. "What I meant to say was…"

 _At least… that's what Ruri THINKS is going to happen! However, just when the girl turns her back, I quickly whip out my taser and shock the girl in her back! Afterwards, her brother, Shun, cames to avenge her, but I quickly do some karate on his face and taser that fool too!  
_  
"I can confirm that everything Selena just said was a lie!" Shun called from outside the castle.

"SHUT UP, SHUN!" Selena snarled. "NOBODY CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY! So anyway…" Selena continued.

 _After taking care of Ruri, I next set my sights on the two idiots who are still raving like lunatics. Clearly unaware of how unbelievably amazing I am, Yuya and Yuri try taking me on in a duel._

 _"Duh…I challenge you to a duel, Selena!" Yuya challenges, clearly not even sure of what he is doing. "I'll, like, uhhhh…make you smile!"_

 _Yuya is clearly an idiot, but even his stupidity cannot compare with the unbelievable idiocy of Yuri._

 _"Sewenuh…!" Yuri whines in his usual babyish voice, "…why won't you wuv me?! I can bench-press two pounds and I put LOTS of hair gel in my hair so you would notice me, but you STILL won't go out with me even after I try to act tough and card people! Why can't we be together!?"_

 _I sigh to myself, almost pitying the pathetic man standing in front of me. However, I am duty-bound to be honest with him, even if it will break his poor immature heart._

 _"Look, Yuri." I calmly explain, "Even though I am flattered by your totally one-sided attraction towards me, you must understand that I only date COMPETENT duelists, and so far, nobody has managed to reach the level of competency I demand in a relationship. You never have nor ever will have the strength needed to be my boyfriend, so I must say 'no' to your proposal and insist that we keep our relationship a professional one."_

 _"NEVAW!" Yuri whines, "I shall now destwoy you in a duel! I summon a wimpy plant monster that can't do anything and end my turn!"_

 _"I Pendulum Summon a bunch of wimpy circus animals that can't do anything and end MY turn!" Says Yuya, who, despite even his utter stupidity, still manages to play MUCH better than Yuri._

 _I roll my eyes at their wimpy plays before demonstrating to them both why I am truly the greatest female lead character Yu-Gi-Oh has ever known._

 _"Using a bunch of complex combos that only a true Yu-Gi-Oh expert could master…" I begin, executing a bunch of absolutely fantastic combos flawlessly, "I summon an overpowered Moonlight boss monster that's a reference to a Hindu goddess! Come forth! Moonlight White Tiger Goddess!"_

 _As my totally epic female boss monster of all epic female boss monsters descends to the field in a pillar of light, I quickly make my next move, ordering my White Tiger Goddess to pound both Yuri and Yuya to the ground before taking Yuri over to Academia to be examined by a competent expert and locking Ruri back up in her tower.  
_  
"And that's what happened." Selena finished.

"How did Yuya end up escaping?" Leo asked, looking confused.

"Oh! Uhm…uh…" Selena stammered, "I uh…well…"

"You let them go." Yuri smirked.

"NO!" Selena snapped. "I was just about to explain that after I totally wasted you and Yuya, I next was met by Kaito and Edo, who both came at me, but I was like…'BANG! POW! KARATE KICK! TASER! TAKE THAT SUCKAS!' But then there were like…two hundred and fifty more Lancers and they all had…laser guns...and about five hundred other ninjas helping them out, and so, uh…after quickly defeating about half of them, I, uh…warned them that I would spare them this time, but unless they all left the island, I would come after them. So they all left…with Yuya."

"That makes about as much sense as the actual canon!" Yuri sneered.

"It sure as heck makes a lot more sense than whatever lie you're about to tell!" Selena hissed.

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, RIN!" Yuri growled, clearly enraged.

"WELL I LOVE YOU TOO…wait…WHAT!?" Selena sputtered.

"I said…I HATE YOU SO MUCH, YOU STUPID CAT LADY!" Yuri clarified. "I swear, once we're done here, I am totally gonna take you home with me to the Synchro Dimension where we will get married, compete in the Friendship Cup every year, have twenty kids, grow old together, and die!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" Selena buzzed, unsure of what to say.

"SHUT UP, YUGO!" Yuri roared at Selena.

"Didn't you kill that guy?" Selena asked, backing away from Yuri as he began foaming at the mouth with rage and lunacy.

"I'M NOT CRAZY!" Yuri insisted, eyes rapidly darting back and forth. "YOU'RE CRAZY! ESPECIALLY YOU, YUGO!"

"Who are you talking to?" The Professor asked, noticing Yuri shake his fists at some invisible person.

Yuri's eyes widened as he looked up at the Professor and noticed how he was looking. Quickly wiping the foam from his mouth, he assumed a more dignified pose before addressing Leo.

"It was nothing, sir." Yuri hastily apologized. "Everything's ship-shape here, not an ounce of truth in Selena's story that I can find."

"Weren't you just…?" the Professor began.

"SO WHO WANT'S TO HEAR MY ACCOUNT OF WHAT HAPPENED!?" Yuri loudly interrupted. "I SURE DO! WHO DOESN'T LOVE A GOOD OLD REPORT FROM ME?! I SURE DON'T, BECAUSE I TOTALLY REPORT THINGS IN A CRITICAL AND UNBIASED FASHION BECAUSE I AM NOT UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY INSANE BECAUSE YUGO IS NOT CURRENTLY LIVING INSIDE ME RIGHT NOW! ALSO, I LOVE RIN VERY MUCH!"

"What!?" Selena and Leo exclaimed in unison.

"ALSO I HATE SELENA VERY MUCH!" Yuri clarified. "OKAY! MOVING ON!"

 **Yuri/Joeri's Account:  
**

 _After totally stomping that fool, Yugo, and his ditzy girlfriend, Rin, with my unparalleled evil awesomeness, I totally card Yugo and then burn his card for good measure, thus ensuring that nobody can possibly possess me or get in the way of my mission to woo the heart of my beloved Rin. I MEAN…thus ensuring that nobody could possibly possess me or get in the way of my mission to enact universal genocide before wooing the heart of my beloved Selena.  
_  
Selena began blushing.

 _IGNORE THAT! THUS ENSURING THAT I WOULD KILL EVERYONE BECAUSE I DON'T…LOVE…ANYBODY!_

 _And so, resolved in my quest to prove that I am the most AMAZING villain in all of Yu-Gi-Oh history, I march on to the Western tower in order to take care of that annoying "Dissociative Identity Disorder" pigeon lady, Ruri.  
However, I am momentarily blocked by a rather annoying girl who I haven't been able to get rid of yet._

 _"OH, YURI!" Selena pleads, her shrill girly voice dripping with unrestrained desire. "I just love you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much! I've completely forgotten all about what I was assigned by the Professor to do and instead only want to grovel before you and lick your feet like a slave girl! PLEASE, YURI! Even though I am just SO PATHETICALLY WEAK, won't you accept ANOTHER one of my confessions so I can live as your inferior companion for the rest of my life!?"  
_  
"WHAT!?" Selena roared, lunging at Yuri, who sidestepped her blow before continuing.

 _This has been her tenth confession this day. Poor pathetic girl. Clearly she desires me, as literally every girl I have ever encountered desires me, despite my unrivaled cruelty and sheer evil might. But who could blame them? Can they help it if they all, one by one, fall for my great manliness? Can I really blame them if all they ever want to do is be with the great and mighty Yuri? Why, I have known entire female wars to have been waged for the winner to obtain just one lock of my simply fabulous hair…which does NOT look like a cabbage!_

 _It's a shame, really. I might have enjoyed giving Rin and Ruri a sporting chance at victory when I hunted them all down, but they were all so engrossed by my uncontrollable seductive prowess, that they couldn't even focus on dueling me. Yet that, I'm afraid, is my curse! To be born with, amongst my other incredibly awesome attributes, such amazing looks, that I must spend half my days pushing aside the throngs of lady admirers in order to more effectively focus all my existence on the great and noble work of universal conquest!_

 _I look down at Selena, considering her words before politely asking, "Who the heck are you?"_

 _Selena looks distraught._

 _"Don't you remember me!?" Selena weeps, "I've spent all my life secretly taking pictures of you and collecting your discarded chewing gum from the trash cans so I can mold them into a twenty-foot statue in the image of your BEAUTIFUL AND MANLY face!"_

 _I am, of course, disgusted by her groveling. But I suppose it's nothing new for me.  
_  
"NONE OF THAT HAPPENED!" Selena protested, before the Professor cut her off with a wave of his hand.

To her annoyance, she could see that Leo seemed to be carefully listening to every detail of Yuri's account instead of looking even remotely like he was about to question anything.

 _"Go to the jungle arena and do your job like you're supposed to." I growl at her, uninterested in any more of her pathetic attempts to woo my impregnable evil heart._

 _"But where is it?" Selena stupidly asks, scratching her totally-not-mind-blowingly-attractive-in-any-way stupid blue hair before looking around with a stupid expression on her neither-attractive-nor-mesmerizing stupid face. "I can't seem to find where ANYTHING is! Oh, well," she shrugs. "I guess I'm just stupid that way."_

 _Despite myself, I laugh at her stupidity, before playfully ruffling up her stupid blue hair and causing stupid Selena to drool with stupid pleasure._

 _"Run along to the center of the island, you stupid fool that I'm not in any way, shape, manner, or form attracted to." I laugh, pointing the stupid girl very clearly to where the Jungle Arena is. As she stumbles away towards the center of the island, I sigh to myself, knowing that in all likelihood she would probably just mess up whatever the Professor, bless his naïve heart, had foolishly assigned her to.  
_  
"What was that!?" Leo snapped.

"Oh, uh…" Yuri stammered, as he tried to keep Selena at bay with one of his hands, while she struggled with all her might to strangle him. "…the Professor, who was the greatest supreme leader ever, had wisely assigned her to do…despite knowing that she would totally fowl everything up and leave me to fix everything."

 _Using my super strength and crazy awesome dark powers I have recently acquired, (which had nothing to do with me somehow absorbing Yugo's stupid soul, by the way!), I leap over to the Western tower in one bound, where I quickly meet the foolish Yuya._

 _"Duh…I SURRENDER!" Yuya weeps, surrendering to me on the spot. I am just about to card him and move on with my mission, when the same shrill female voice interrupts me once again._

 _"OH, YURI-KUN!" Selena yowls like a cat in heat. "I TRIED to make it for two minutes without gazing upon your UNBELIEVABLY MANLY AND HANDSOME FACE…and rear end…" she adds lustfully, "but I'm just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO attracted to you!"_

 _"I'M UNBELIEVABLY AND UNREALISTICALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU TOO!" Says Ruri, who has gotten out of her tower, most likely due to Selena's crippling incompetence. "Yuri is just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than that Xyz scum idiot, Yuto!"_

 _"MMMMMMMMMMHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" Selena agrees in a husky voice. "Yuri is just the best man a girl could ever hope to find!"_

 _"He's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO clever!" Ruri sings._

 _"And SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO handsome!" Selena purrs._

 _"And let's not forget how unbelievably EVIL he is!" Ruri insists, drooling all over herself as she pants with crazed excitement._

 _"His evilness is the best part!" Selena pants, as both girls crawl towards me on all fours before grasping the hem of my incredible cape in a gesture of shameless groveling._

 _"Please be our master and evil overlord!" Ruri and Selena beg. "We'll do anything for you! ANYTHING FOR YOU! If we can only get you to as much as GLANCE at us every once in a while, then it will be worth the degradation to ourselves!"_

 _Pleased as I am at their submissiveness, I glance back and notice that their uncontrollable passion towards me has given Yuya the opportunity to slip away. This, naturally, angers me._

 _"WHY WEREN'T YOU IN THE JUNGLE ARENA LIKE I HAD ORDERED!?" I thunder, blasting both Selena and Ruri away with a super cool dark energy blast from the palm of my hand.  
_  
"YOU'VE NEVER HAD THOSE POWERS!" Selena snapped.

"Sure I have!" Yuri protested, veins pulsating on his forehead.

"Oh, yeah!?" Selena challenged. "Well, show me then!"

"Well, I, uh…" Yuri stammered, "I'll do it after I finish my report!"

"Sure you will." Selena sneered. "While you do that, why don't I take notes so I can refute every one of your disgusting lies, person who I am 'oh, so attracted to!'?"

 _I would like to stress for just a moment how ridiculously stupid Selena is. Like…think of the most stupidest…_  
"It's either most stupid or stupidest, braniac!" Selena snarled.

 _Regardless, Selena is stupid. Plain and simple. The other bracelet girls are also stupid, but none are as sweet as my beloved Rin. Her hair is as sweet as apples, her eyes are like golden wheat in a sunny field, her lips are like…LIKE…RIN IS STUPID AND I AM NOT POSSESSED BY YUGO!_

 _ANYWAY! After asking my question, Selena blinks in confusion like she didn't understand a word of what I said._

 _"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh…WHAT!?" She asks. "I was distracted by how UNBELIEVABLY CHARMING, EVIL, AND PERFECT YOU ARE!"_

 _"Why weren't you at the jungle arena!?" I repeat, steadily losing patience, but managing to maintain control of the situation Selena nearly utterly ruined thanks to her unbelievable incompetence and stupidity._

 _"Oh, THAT'S right!" Selena chuckles stupidly. "I was just so stupid that I thought 'center of the island' meant 'come to the Western tower!'"_

 _I sigh, shaking my head slowly at her irredeemable incompetence and stupidity._

 _"So can I confess my love to you now?" Selena purrs, rubbing her cheek against my leg like a kitty desperate for attention._

 _Kicking her off me, I proceed to grab Ruri and lock her up in the Western tower, before leaping into the jungle arena in one bound, and carding all the Lancers there._

 _Sadly, I wasn't there to save Sanders, who had been carded because of his own unbelievable incompetence._

"So why did Selena end up carrying you to the hospital?" Leo asked.

Yuri began blushing red as a tomato.

"I just…uhm…well…I…I eventually took pity on her and let her carry me just because she was being annoying and trying to confess to me again!" Yuri snapped.

"I also have some questions." Selena sneered, holding up a massive stack of papers with the label, "INCONSISTENCIES IN YURI'S STORY."

"Nobody cares about what you think!" Yuri snarled.

"Why do the surveillance towers show footage of you kissing Rin?" Selena interrogated.

"BECAUSE I LOVE HER AND WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HER!" Yuri insisted before yanking off his Duel Disk and attempting to ride it like a motorcycle.

"Oh, really!?" Selena snickered.

"SHUT UP, YUGO!" Yuri roared, kicking away his imaginary motorcycle. "SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!"

Leo scratched the side of his metal plate. "I'm…gonna have to ask someone else what's going on. Your two accounts…they're just not lining up."

"Well, who else are you gonna ask!?" Selena snapped.

"Yeah!" Yuri agreed, "We're the best witnesses you've got!"

"BB there." Said Battle Beast, walking up to Yuri and Selena on all fours like a gorilla.

"Professor no interested in what BB say!" Yuri snarled.

"BB tell professor anyway." BB insisted.

"BB stupid and should leave!" Yuri snapped back.

"I think we should listen to BB." Selena suggested, patting the Battle Beast on the head.

"BB like Selena." BB purred, smiling broadly before adding, "And Rin. BB think Rin smell good, like apples and bananas."

"GET YOUR PAWS OFF MY RINY-POO!" Yuri roared, "SHE'S MINE!"

"ENOUGH!" the Professor roared, silencing everyone in the room. "Look, guys. This is getting us nowhere. Clearly, what I need now is a COMPETENT witness. Someone who was not only there throughout the entirety of those events, but can give a completely fair and unbiased account of all of them."

"Who?" Selena asked.

"YEAH, WHO!?" Yuri agreed.

"BB?" BB asked.

"Sorry I'm late, Professor!" A bright and cheerful voice called from the other end of the room.

Yuri looked pale.

"NO! PLEASE! ANYBODY BUT HIM!"

"OH, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Selena agreed.

Starve Venom Fusion Dragon strolled right up to Selena, Yuri, and BB before giving all three fusion duelists a drool-filled hug.

"LET ME GO!" Yuri roared.

"Augh…blaugh! MY HAIR!" Selena agreed, as another waterfall of drool splashed onto her face.

BB didn't seem to mind, and instead picked at some bugs that were sucking on Starve Venom's scales before eating the insects like a chimpanzee.

"I've invited Starve Venom here…" the Professor explained, "in order to FINALLY sort through what really happened. As an impartial and unbiased tangible hologram of a dragon that once took part in destroying the United universe, I can think of nobody better for the task."

"WHAT?!" Selena and Yuri protested in utter confusion.

"You've got nothing to worry about, Professor!" Starve Venom laughed, reaching behind his back and pulling out a television and a VHS. "I've recorded everything that happened right here!"

Yuri and Selena's faces alternated between going ghost white and crimson red.

"No…No!" they protested in unison, "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" They both screamed, flailing about like they were receiving the worst torture imaginable.

"It's pretty embarrassing," Starve Venom laughed, "But I'm sure we could all use a good laugh! And the readers only need to wait one more week to see it!"

 **Thank you Nox Descious for making the amazing fanfic "Moonlight Sorrow," and for being such a great friend! And thank you, CorinnetheAnime, for proofreading and editing this nonsense. Yes, I do plan on making Starve Venom's account next week. Heck, if the demand is high enough, I might periodically post more parody chapters to this fic as Nox Descious adds more chapters to "Moonlight Sorrow." Thank you all for reading, reviewing, and supporting this and my other series. Stay tuned for more hilarity and excitement from both this fic and my other fics, and PLEASE support both CorinnetheAnime and Nox Decious! Their stories are AMAZING! To all of you, God bless you, everyone, and this is Donjusticia… amazed that things have heated up so much in my hometown that its RAINING instead of SNOWING!**


	2. Chapter 2

**DIST-CLAIMER!**

 **THE FOLLOWING PROFIT IS A NON-FAN MADE PARODY BASE. OFFICIATE THE PLEASING SUPPORT RELEASEWISE. DONJUSTICIA DON'T OWN NUTTIN, YADA YADA, CAN'T SUE ME, SO THIS IS TOTALLY LEGAL! YEAH!**

 **Also, thank you CorinnetheAnime for proofreading and editing.  
**

Moonlight Mood-Swings – Chapter 2: A Few Good Men, Yuri, Selena, and a Tangible Dragon Hologram 

As Starve Venom readied the video tape, Yuri and Selena continued their protestations.

"Venom…" Yuri rumbled, "I will give you ANYTHING you want! I will help you bake a whole batch of Snickerdoodles! I will kiss a baby! JUST DO NOT PUT IN THAT TAPE!"

"How'd you even get a tape of us!?" Selena grumbled. "I thought I was avoiding the surveillance towers!"

"Oh, my friends and I recorded the whole thing with our handy dandy…" Starve Venom paused for a second, looking at the screen as if expecting an answer. Eventually, a little kid voice piped up:

"Video recorder!"

"That's right!" Starve Venom agreed, giving the unseen speaker a thumbs up and pulling out a video recorder while Yuri and Selena looked on with utter confusion.

"Who are you talking to?" Yuri asked.

"I don't rightly know myself." Starve Venom shrugged, leaving his poor master to look around the room with a paranoid expression on his utterly evil face.

"Who was helping you record?" Selena asked, narrowing her eyes with suspicion.

"YOU'RE WELCOME!" Shun called from outside the castle.

"Of course it was him!" Yuri grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"Well, at least it's just a stupid primitive VHS." Selena mumbled. "It can't really show EVERYTHING that went on."

"Oh, but this is a special MAGICAL VHS!" Starve Venom enthused, causing Selena and Yuri to pale. "Not only is this MAGICAL VHS able to record EVERYTHING that just happened up until this point in time, but it can record people's thoughts…"

"THOUGHTS!?" Yuri and Selena screamed in unison.

"...Can record from multiple angles and perspectives," Starve Venom continued, grins on his many mouths growing even wider, "and the best part is, everything is narrated in third person!"

"YOU ARE DEAD, SHUN!" Yuri bellowed, I swear if Starve Venom doesn't kill me with a heart attack, I'm gonna come out there and kill you!"

"NOT IF I TASE HIM FIRST!" Selena roared, pulling out multiple taser guns while her veins pulsated on her face in anger.

"There will be time to kill Shun later." Leo reassured Selena and Yuri.

"Ain't nobody able to kill me!" Shun countered. "I'm immortal, suckas!"

"But let's finish up with the reports first." Leo finished, settling in his throne and whipping out a nice big bowl of popcorn as Starve Venom reached out his claw to press the "Play" button.

"No…no…no!" Selena growled.

"Venom…" Yuri growled, "if you even so much as THINK of pushing that button, then I'll-…!"

Too late. Starve Venom pressed it.

 **The Real Story (As recorded by Starve Venom and Shun)  
**

 _"BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!" Yuri cackled, going completely insane as he stood over the defeated Yugo and his girlfriend, Rin. "Now, I, Yuri, the greatest supervillain in all the multiverse shall proceed to destroy you, Yugo!"_

 _"And then when you're done, Yugo and Rin can take a turn destroying us!" Starve Venom giggled, clapping his claws together with delight. It had been so nice of Rin AND Yugo to join in their game of tag, and Starve Venom couldn't have been happier when he and his bestest friend in the whole multiverse had beaten his brother, Crystal Wing, and Crystal Wing's delightful (though, somewhat bossy) girlfriend, Wind Witch – Winter, 'You Better Treat Me Like A Goddess O' Else You AIN'T Gonna Get Yo'self Any O' This!' Bell. (Or at least, that was what her full name was. Normally she just went by 'Winter Goddess.' It was kind of a stage name if Starve Venom remembered correctly)._

 _"SHUT UP, VENOM!" Yuri snarled, before turning his head back to where Yugo was. "Yugo here isn't going to be playing any more games anytime soon!"_

 _"Awwww…that's too bad." Venom sighed, patting Yugo on the head before returning to his card. "Hopefully," Venom thought, "Yugo will get better from whatever is making him sick."  
_  
"See!?" Venom giggled, clapping his claws with delight. "Thought recording!"

"Wow, that's...uh…" Selena gawked, "that's surprisingly Orwellian for you, Venom."

"Just so long as it doesn't record any of my thoughts." Yuri grumbled under his breath.

"Quiet, you two!" the Professor shushed.

 _"Ah, Venom…" Yuri thought to himself as he prepared to card Yugo. "I secretly love having you as my ace monster, almost as much as I like playing with my action figures of the bracelet girls, ESPECIALLY the one of Selena!"  
_  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yuri roared, earning him another annoyed look from the professor as Selena struggled to contain her snickering.

 _"No!" Rin hollered, unable to believe that Yuri had managed to defeat both herself AND Yugo (even though Yugo was still an unbelievable baka, ESPECIALLY when it came to dueling)._

 _"Don't worry, RinRin!" Yugo called back, "Even if Yuri cards me, I'll still be there, in your heart!"_

 _"YUGO!" Rin called, completely touched by Yugo's romantic, if not utterly tragic, sentiment._

 _"So just cut out your heart after Yuri cards me…" Yugo went on, "and pull me out of there, got it!?"_

 _"Okay…that was much less romantic and much more idiotic." Rin sighed to herself._

 _"Oh, boy!" Yuri thought to himself, "I wonder how I could make myself look even MORE evil and sadistic than I already am!? Let me see…what did I read just this morning in the 'Villain's Weekly Digest?' Oh! I know! I'll say something cliché like…'Looks like love DOESN'T conquer all!' or better yet, 'Hasta la vista, FUSION!' No…that's stupid. Come on, Yuri! Think! Show some originality! Be bold! Be sadistic! Be evil! Go over there and…why the heck is Yugo's body disappearing when I haven't even activated the carding function on my Duel Disk?"  
_  
 _And sure enough, before Yuri could even think of a good one liner before carding Yugo, a massive shadowy black dragon rose up from Yuri's evil body before arching its head down and clamping its jaws over Yugo.  
_  
 ** _"OM NOM NOM!"_** _The shadow dragon rumbled as it messily devoured Yugo, leaving Rin to weep in utter grief and Yuri to scratch his head in confusion._

 _"The heck just happened?" Yuri asked, wondering if Yugo had just disappeared into thin air Jedi-style when he died.  
_  
 _"No! How could you?!" Rin wept, running over to Yugo's empty helmet and sobbing over it while she cradled it in her arms like a little infant._

 _Noticing Rin's sorrow, Yuri came back to himself before loudly and maniacally laughing as he reveled in her misery._

 _"Ha! Ha! Foolish Rin!" he laughed, throwing his evil cape back as he strode towards Rin with an utterly evil smile on his face. "Did you honestly think Yugo would save you? Well, forget about it! Now, tremble in fear, for I am about to-…"_

 _Suddenly Yuri's expression completely changed._

 _"SAVE YOU AND LOVE YOU LIKE I HAVE NEVER LOVED YOU BEFORE, MY DARLING RIN!" Yuri exclaimed, scooping a stunned Rin into his arms and planting a passionate kiss on her lips. Rin began squirming, desperately trying to break free from Yuri's grip as he made out with her, until she finally began relaxing after noticing a certain familiar stupidity to Yuri's kiss.  
_  
 _"Yugo?" Rin asked, noticing Yugo's same vacant expression in Yuri's eyes as they broke apart for air._

 _"Yes, my lovely Rin!" Yuri reassured her, pulling her close. "I promise you, I'm gonna make sure-…"_

 _"YOU STAY IN THIS STINKING TOWER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, YOU STUPID SYNCHRO SCUM, BECAUSE I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT POSSESSED BY YUGO!" Yuri hollered, his expression returning to its usual furious and evil shape._

 _"But, Yugo!" Rin protested._

 _"YUGO'S DEAD!" Yuri snarled, "AND YOU ARE MOST CERTAINLY NEVER GOING TO SEE HIM AGAIN BECAUSE HE ABSOLUTELY DID NOT BECOME A GHOST WITH THE POWER TO POSSESS ME!"_

 _"But then!" Rin gasped, feeling scared, confused, and sorrowful._

 _"THAT'S RIGHT!" Yuri snarled, "NOW NOTHING CAN STOP ME FROM LOVING YOU LIKE THE AMAZING GIRL YOU ARE!"_

 _"WHA-!" Rin managed to get out before Yuri leaned in for another passionate kiss.  
_  
Selena was on the floor laughing.

"Oh my gosh!" Selena mocked as Yuri silently seethed, threatening to go completely berserk if his stupid ace monster didn't stop showing more of his stupid recording. "I mean…I knew you hated Yugo…" Selena cackled, "but I didn't realize it was because you were contending against him for Rin's heart!"

"I must say." Leo commented, thoughtfully munching on a handful of popcorn, "You deciding to make out with the prisoners (and a secret portion of my daughter)," Leo added under his breath, "is very unprofessional, Yuri."

"I WASN'T…I COULDN'T…!" Yuri sputtered, unable to believe that the whole embarrassing incident had been recorded.

"Yuri was a little confused that day." Starve Venom laughed, patting his best friend on the back. "Especially when Yugo performed that delightful magic trick. But I must admit, I never knew Yuri had those kind of feelings for Rin, or that he'd be such a naughty little rascal about them!" Venom chortled, giving Yuri a playful noogie, much to his master's chagrin.

"Yeah!" Selena snorted, "You'd better be careful, Professor! Yuri might go after Ruri and Yuzu next!"

"Duly noted." Leo agreed as he began seriously contemplating letting Roger take care of Yuri for him.

"I WOULD NEVER START A RELATIONSHIP WITH THOSE STUPID GIRLS!" Yuri protested, "MY HEART BELONGS EXCLUSIVELY TO MY DARLING RINNY-POO!"

"What?" Leo, Venom, and Selena exclaimed in unison.

"I mean…I…" Yuri sputtered, grabbing his two hair antennae in rage.

"Oh, give it up, lover boy!" Selena sneered, "We all know how you REALLY feel now!"

"You know I'm glad you're taking this so well." Starve Venom laughed, ruffling Selena's blue hair, while she looked up at the friendly drooling dragon in complete and utter disgust. "I remember you were acting MUCH more upset when you first saw Yuri kissing Rin."

"YOU DID NOT SEE OR RECORD ANYTHING!" Selena hissed, face turning magma red.

"Actually, I think he did!" Yuri sneered, eager to turn the tables on Selena. "Didn't you, old buddy!?"

"You bet!" Starve Venom laughed, giving his sweet smiling master a great big hug. "Here it is!"

 _"THAT TWO TIMING, TWO-FACED CHEAT!" Selena roared, throwing a massive temper tantrum after witnessing Yuri making out with Rin. She had been planning on making sure Yuri successfully contained the girls to their towers after she carded Sanders in the jungle arena out of pure spite and because she totally wasn't in any way shape, manner, or form, a loyal soldier to Academia…  
_  
Leo looked at Selena with a disapproving expression on his face while Selena desperately gestured to Starve Venom to stop the recording.

 _…_ _but after witnessing Yuri cheat on her behind her back, the only thing Selena wanted to do now was destroy everything in sight, which she was doing admirably well as the Battle Beast could clearly see.  
_  
 _"Uh…Selena?" BB cautiously asked, while Selena uprooted a palm tree with her sheer fury before karate chopping it into fire wood and hurling each chunk fifty meters out into the open sea._

 _"WHAT!?" Selena roared, not in the mood to speak with her newly acquired minion, who she totally planned to use to overthrow the stupid bald-headed professor, who she utterly and completely hated from the absolute depths of her heart, a heart whose only passion had been to save Yuri so they could ride off into their romantic happily ever after…  
_  
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Selena wailed.

 _But after witnessing the way the one true love of her life, and I'm not exaggerating, I mean, WHOO, did Selena love the heck out of Yuri…?  
_  
"WHO THE HECK IS NARRATING THIS THING!?" Selena roared, desperately trying to get past Starve Venom so she could smash the video to pieces.

 _...Had so disgracefully cheated on her, Selena began to rethink her priorities._

 _"IMMA KILL HIM, IMMA KILL HIM, IMMA KILL HIM!" Selena roared, kicking several crates into the air before punching each one of them into tiny splinters while BB backed away and whimpered like a frightened dog.  
_  
 _"Selena need calm down!" BB whimpered, trying to find the happy place in his Gladiator Beast Fortress._

 _"I'M COMPLETELY CALM!" Selena roared, tearing out several photos of Yuri she kept in her pocket and ripping each one into miniscule pieces. "I AM SO UTTERLY CALM! AIN'T NOBODY CALMER THAN I AM RIGHT NOW! I AM SO TOTALLY GONNA KILL YURI IN A CALM AND RATIONAL WAY!"_

 _"But…mission?" BB whimpered._

 _"FORGET THE MISSION!" Selena shrieked, her deep emotional desire for Yuri's passionate embrace causing her to completely lose her head. "THE ONLY MISSION OBJECTIVE I SEE HERE IS KILLING RIN BEFORE I KILL YURI! EH HE HE HE HE HE, AWWW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!" Selena laughed, throwing back her head and clutching at her face like a yandere, "DON'T WORRY, YURI-KUN! I WILL KILL ANYONE WHO STANDS IN THE WAY OF OUR LOVE!"  
_  
"Okay…" Selena pleaded, looking back and forth between Yuri's smug face and the professor's stunned expression, "I know this might make me look bad, but if we consider things in context for a second…"

 _"BB could...kill Rin?" BB hesitantly volunteered, hoping it would calm down his enraged master.  
_  
 _Selena paused mid-laugh, assuming a more serious, or rather, less completely insane and obsessed expression, I mean, seriously, you wouldn't believe how UTTERLY obsessed Selena secretly is with Yuri…  
_  
"Why does this narrator hate me!?" Selena growled, pretty certain she hadn't remembered the narrator ripping into Yuri NEARLY as much.

 _…Before slowly turning to face BB._

 _"Yes…" she mused, "I still DO have my mission after all…maybe I could trust BB to take care of Rin while I take care of Yuri. BB!" she called to her minion, who began scampering up to her side, "I command you to end Rin's life in the most torturous and agonizing way possible while I teach Yuri a lesson he will never forget!"  
_  
 _BB looked conflicted._

 _"Is there a problem, Battle Beast?!" Selena hissed, eyes narrowing into cat slits._

 _"BB not wanna hurt Rin." BB whimpered, "BB just gonna card Rin like BB card people in Jungle arena."  
_  
 _"YOU WILL DO AS I COMMAND, BB!" Selena roared. "AND I AM COMMANDING YOU TO MAKE THAT SYNCHRO SKANK SUFFER!"  
_  
 _"BB not gonna do it!" BB protested, using his newfound freedom to stand up for what was right._

 _"Would you do it for a…BB snack?" Selena coaxed, shaking a blue and green box full of what looked like dog treats.  
_  
"When did you have the time to purchase BB snacks?" Yuri gawked.

"I always go into missions prepared." Selena sniffed, "especially when it's a mission involving a half-gorilla maniac."

"BB not half gorilla!" BB snapped. "BB father chimpanzee!"

"Well, that explains a lot." Yuri groaned, rolling his eyes.

 _Selena threw a BB snack in the direction of Rin's tower and BB went scampering after it._

 _Meanwhile, up in the Eastern Tower, Yuri was making some of his own changes to his plans._

 _"NO!" Yuri roared, struggling against the will of Yugo, who had totally possessed him and was making him an utterly useless and unstable asset to Academia. I mean, seriously, if the Professor ever found out that Yuri really was possessed by Yugo, then CLEARLY the best option would have been to throw Yuri down the nearest incinerator before he threatened to revive Zarc.  
_  
"Amen to that sentiment." Selena shrugged.

"SHUT UP, MY DARLING RIN!" Yuri growled.

 _"NO!" Yuri repeated, struggling against Yugo's influence. "I AM NOT SAVING RIN! MUST NOT SAVE RIN! I HAVE TO COMPLETE THE FRIENDSHIP CUP FIRST! IT'S WHAT SHE WOULD HAVE WANTED! NO, YOU IDIOT, THAT'S YUGO TALKING! WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN IDIOT, FUSION-KUN!? THAT'S NOT MY NAME! YES, IT IS, CABBAGE HEAD! I'M CONFUSED WHO'S TALKING! I DO NOT KNOW, BUT I DO KNOW I LOVE SELENA WITH ALL MY HEART! NO, I DON'T, I LOVE RIN! I'M TOTALLY SAVING RIN! NO! I'M TOTALLY SAVING SELENA, I MEAN…KILLING SELENA! HOW ABOUT A COMPROMISE, WE LOCK UP RURI AND THEN WE RESCUE BOTH SELENA AND RIN BEFORE MAKING OUT WITH BOTH OF THEM! NO, THAT'S STUPID! WHO ARE YOU CALLING STUPID!? ME, YOU IDIOT, BECAUSE I'M NOT AFRAID TO CARD EVERYONE IN THE UNIVERSE AS A TOKEN OF AFFECTION FOR MY BELOVED RIN…I MEAN, SELENA… I MEAN, YUZU… I MEAN, RAY!_ _ **WAIT FOR ME, MY SWEET DARLING RAY! I, ZARC, THE MOST EVIL DEMON IN EXISTENCE AM COMING FOR YOU!"**_ _  
_  
"Who's Ray?" Selena asked

 **"THE SWEETEST AND MOST HOTTEST GIRL IN EXISTENCE WHO I HAVE VOWED TO DESTROY WITH MY OWN HANDS AFTER WE GET MARRIED!"** Yuri thundered in an utterly demonic voice, eyes glowing purple like he was possessed.

"Hmmmmmmm…Ray?" Starve Venom mused, "Name sounds familiar, but I can't place…ah, well, I'll figure it out later."

 _And laughing like a maniac in a straight jacket, Yuri leaped onto Yugo's motorcycle, resolving to do all in his power to lock up Ruri and destroy the world so he could go on a romantic date Rin, Selena, and Ray at the exact time after he won the Friendship Cup._

 _As Yuri zoomed off towards Ruri's tower, with Selena in hot yandere pursuit, BB cautiously approached Rin's tower.  
_  
"Why you film BB?" BB protested.

"Because you were so cute with Rin!" Starve Venom teased, "I just couldn't resist!"

"And Rin's current state is relevant to the mission I had assigned to Yuri, so I would like to see this." The Professor added, popping another handful of popcorn into his mouth.  
 _  
Slowly, opening the door, BB walked into Rin's room._

 _It was a mess._

 _In a span of not too long, Rin had somehow managed to completely redecorate the interior of her room. Black curtains hung over each of the windows, making it so that the only light source for the tower was a set of candles, which burned over a gigantic shrine Rin had recently created, which featured a portrait of Yugo, which rested behind a set of burning incense sticks._

 _Rin had also changed. She was dressed completely in black, with a black veil hanging over her weeping face as she dabbed at her eyes with a black handkerchief and knitted a baby sweater._

 _"Uh…hi?" BB began, wondering if the BB snack was really worth destroying the poor woman who had irked his master through no fault of her own._

 _"Hi?" Rin gasped, spinning her head around to fix BB with a half-mournful, half-crazy stare. "How can it be time for 'Hi' when Yugo has just said 'goodbye!?' Are you telling me that Yugo HASN'T really said 'goodbye' to me and is actually waiting behind that door to rescue me and embrace me and take me back to the Synchro Dimension, where we will get married and have twenty kids and three times as many grandkids like we promised each other all those years ago!?"  
_  
 _"Uhhh…" BB buzzed, not knowing what to say._

 _"IT'S WHY I MADE THIS SWEATER AFTER ALL! SEE!?" Rin hollered, eyes twitching in her head, "I made this sweater for our grandkids, just like I made all those other sweaters!" Rin continued, indicating a massive pile of thousands upon thousands of sweaters she had recently knitted. "I made all those sweaters for our grandkids we will never have because Yugo is gone!" Rin wailed, burying her face in the sweater she was working on.  
_  
 _BB stood silent._

 _"But it's okay!" Rin whimpered, eyes twitching back and forth, "I'm coping just fine! It's not like my entire future has just been stolen away from me! I can live without Yugo's tender embrace, or his endearing idiocy, or winning the Friendship Cup with him like we had dreamed for our entire lives, or having kids because there is no other man who can compare with someone as absolutely perfect as Yugo! I'M JUST FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE! FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!" She spat, suddenly whipping out a kitchen knife and hurling it at a picture of Yuri._

 _"I just have to learn to live without certain things from now on!" Rin continued, furiously beginning another baby sweater. "Like Yugo's arms around me when I'm feeling sad! Or the look of his beautiful blue eyes! Or the sweet giggling of our numerous nonexistent children and grandchildren I am currently knitting this sweater for! Do you wanna know what I would have named our daughter if we ever had one!?" Rin shrieked, growing steadily more and more hysterical.  
_  
 _"Uh…yes?" BB hesitantly replied, hoping that was the right answer._

 _"WELL I CAN'T TELL YOU BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T EXIST BECAUSE YUGO'S GONE!" Rin shrieked, pulling out a kitchen knife and advancing on a very frightened BB.  
_  
 _"ALL ACADEMIA'S FAULT!" Rin screamed, slashing her kitchen knife through the air as she advanced on BB "ALL ACADEMIA'S FAULT! ACADEMIA MAKE RIN NO GET YUGO! RIN JUST GET YURI INSTEAD! NO YUGO FOR RIN! ALL YURI INSTEAD! ALL YURI NO YUGO MAKE RIN GO CRAZY!" Rin cackled, "ALL YURI NO YUGO MAKE RIN GO CRAZY!"  
_  
 _"Rin need calm down!" BB gasped, backing away from Rin, as she continued her insane tirade._

 _"WILL CALMING DOWN BRING YUGO BACK!?" Rin bellowed, face contorted with fury, "WILL CALMING DOWN GIVE ME TWENTY KIDS AND SIXTY GRANDKIDS I CAN KNIT THIS SWEATER FOR?!" she raged, holding up the half-finished sweater in one hand and the kitchen knife in the other hand.  
_  
"Wow!" Selena exclaimed, "And I thought I could get mad!"

 _At that moment, BB realized that coming into Rin's tower had been the biggest mistake of his life. BB knew that unless he did something drastic, he would most certainly die at the hands of Rin's unholy wrath. But what could he do!?_

 _"Daddy!" BB called, "What you do in this situation!?"_

 _Inside BB's head, a memory of his dad surfaced._

 _"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" BB's dad chattered, instructing BB on the basics of surviving a bereft widow's insanity before picking at BB's hair and munching on a grub he pulled out.  
_  
 _"That's it!" BB thought, realizing what the solution to his problems were._

 _"KILL! KILL! KILL!" Rin roared, charging at BB at full speed. "KILL BAKA YURI! KILL BAKA YURI! KILL BAKA YURI AND KNIT SWEATERS FOR KIDS!"_

 _She raised her knife into the air, preparing to bring it down on BB's head, when BB suddenly leaped onto her shoulders, balancing like a gigantic monkey._

 _"HEY! WHAT THE!?" Rin bellowed, "Get off me, you stupid-!"_

 _But before Rin could throw BB off her back, BB had already tugged at a strand of her hair and removed a large juicy grub before snacking on it._

 _Rin paused in her despondent fury just long enough to look up at BB, who was still munching on the grub he had removed from her hair._

 _"What are you doing?" she asked, her voice just a little less hostile and insane._

 _"BB pick bugs out Rin's hair." BB explained, tugging on a few more strands and snacking on various beetles, ants, fleas, flies, grubs, and brain parasites that had nested in Rin's sea-green hair._

 _Rin loosened the grip on her knife as she watched BB groom her. Slowly, as BB cleaned her unrealistically messy hair, memories began flooding back into her mind. Happy memories of her time with Yugo in the Synchro Dimension._

 _"Yugo…" she murmured, "would always pick the bugs out of my hair and eat them whenever I forgot to wash with shampoo. I…I always liked that about him."  
_  
"I'm still picking bugs out of your hair in spirit, Rin!" Yuri promised, gazing upon the form of his sad girlfriend with longing, "Don't worry! I'm coming for you! And when I do, I will eat ALL the bugs in your hair!"

 _As BB continued diligently grooming Rin, Rin gradually began letting herself enjoy it._

 _"You know…" Rin giggled, "I never noticed how…strong…you are, uhm…what was your name?"_

 _"BB." BB replied, extracting a large caterpillar._

 _"BB…" Rin mused, "You know…I think I like that name."  
She smiled at BB, who looked down before smiling at her, bugs crawling between his teeth.  
_

 **Twenty minutes of intimate bonding later…  
**

 _"And so then I said…" Rin laughed, sharing a glass of lemonade with BB as she recounted the MANY embarrassing things Yugo had done._

 _The tower and her attire had completely changed. The tower was freshly refurbished with bright sunny flowers, and all the mournful portraits of Yugo and Yuri had been taken down, replaced with hundreds of selfies Rin had taken with BB. Her dress had also changed from one of mourning, to a bright green and yellow dress that looked a little WAY TOO FLIRTATIOUS to Yugo in case that guy ever watches this recording.  
_  
It did look too flirtatious to Yugo.

"GET YOUR SLIMEY GRUB-RIDDEN PAWS OFF MY RIN!" Yuri bellowed, charging at BB, who began backing away in fear.

"Oh, calm down, lover boy." Selena snickered, "I'm sure Rin will want to take you back and have twenty kids with you."

"SHUT UP, YUGO!" Yuri bellowed, as his hands squeezed an empty portion of air like there was some invisible person standing next to him.

"Shhh! We're moving on to the next part!" Leo shushed, looking like he was enjoying the recording WAY too much.

"Oh, well…" Starve Venom hastily replied, fast-forwarding through some scenes of Selena, Yuri, himself, and a strange white tiger duel monster that looked like she was flirting with Venom. "I'm sure you've all seen all there is to see! There's no need to-…"

"What are you hiding, Venom?" Yuri interrogated, glaring at his ace monster.

"Yeah!" Selena agreed, "I mean…you were so nice to show us all the embarrassing scenes we were in, why don't you show us the rest?"

"Well, I, uh…" Starve Venom stuttered, hastily stretching out his hand to eject the tape. "I'm not saying I'm hiding anything…I, uh…I just need to make sure I, uh…we don't wanna waste time with…"

"Not gonna waste time with what!?" Selena's ace monster, Moonlight Leo Dancer hissed, barging through the doors of the throne room, much to everyone's shock and surprise. "Are you saying you don't want to waste time with something in that tape that would tick me off!?"

"Oh, come on, baby!" Starve Venom protested. "You're the one who set me up on that date with your mom!"

"I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO ENJOY IT!" Leo Dancer hissed.

"Who said I enjoyed it!?" Venom objected, sweat beading on his scaly face as he nervously rung his clawed hands.

"What are you guys talking about?" Yuri asked, looking completely confused.

"Oh, well, why don't we play that tape and find out!?" Leo Dancer hissed, pressing the play button.

"Oh, dear!" Starve Venom groaned, realizing that he was just about to get a taste of his own medicine…sometime next week…maybe later…depending on what Donjusticia's schedule was like.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER IS RATED "M" FOR "MOON-LIGHTS. READERS SHOULD NOT READ THIS CHAPTER IF THEY WILL BE OFFENDED BY GRAPHIC DISPLAYS OF ABSURDITY, LEWD SHIPPING OF DUEL MONSTER CARDS, AND LANGUAGE, MUCHISIMO LANGUAJE! READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!  
**

Moonlight Mood-Swings – Chapter 3: How I Met Your Cat-Girl Mother. 

"You know I could just…uhm…tell them what happened." Starve Venom pleaded, blushing even pinker and purpler than he usually was.

"Oh, but I thought there was nothing wrong with sharing a little laughter every once in a while," Selena sneered.

"Yeah, Venom!" Yuri agreed, an evil smile creeping over his face. "You wouldn't want us to be sad now, do you!? I mean, watching you could be really entertaining, and we all know it's the job of an entertainer to ALWAYS entertain the audience, just like your hero Yusho does!"

"The only person who's gonna get some entertainment out of this is me once I finish pummeling Starve Venom!" Leo Dancer hissed.

"So…what exactly happened?" Selena asked.

Leo Dancer traced the edge of her sword with her claws. "If it's anything like what my mom said happened, then it's something Venom will pay for!"

"Uhm, maybe we should do this another time!" Venom protested, "I mean…it doesn't really have much relevance to the mission Leo gave Yuri and Selena."

"I disagree." Leo said, thoughtfully stroking his chin. "I believe that this knowledge is of the UTMOST importance in relation to the goal of completing the Arc Area Project. I must be absolutely certain that each of my top student's ace monsters are in the best fighting shape, or else there could be friction on the battlefield. Play the tape!" he commanded, reclining in his throne and popping another handful of popcorn into his mouth.

"Oh, dear." Venom managed to get out as the video began playing. 

**The Totally Irrelevant Conclusion Venom NEVER Intended to Play!  
**

 _As Yuri rode towards the Western Tower, he began contemplating how much fun it would be to destroy Ruri.  
"Oh, boy, oh, boy!" Yuri snickered. "Finally, I can get back to doing the thing I love the most! Destroying people's lives! And the best part is, Yugo isn't going to be here to stop me! It'll be all too easy! Ruri isn't anything like Rin. Nothing could compare to my darling Rin! Rin is sweet and lovable and beautiful…maybe not quite as beautiful as Selena, but…but…BUT…BUT...SHUT UP, YUGO!" Yuri bellowed to nobody in particular._

 _Meanwhile, as Yuri continued his insane arguments with himself, Starve Venom was about to have his own conversation with someone who actually existed.  
Feeling his phone ring against the inside of his pocket, or, more accurately, the cheek of his left knee mouth, Venom pulled out his slightly moist, but completely waterproof, cell phone and answered the call._

 _"Hello?" said the voice of Starve Venom's girlfriend, Moon-Light Leo Dancer, on the other side of the phone._

 _"Oh, hey, babe, how's it going?" Starve Venom replied, wondering how his day could get any better. He had already had so many fun adventures with Yuri that day from meeting Yuri's girlfriend, Selena, to reuniting with his brother, Clear Wing Synchro Dragon, who was kind of keeping to himself in his own card for now, but Venom was certain that was because Clear Wing was planning a surprise dinner for them or something to that effect._

 _Speaking with his favorite leonine cat-girl in the whole world just made things even better._

 _Leo Dancer, however, was not sharing Venom's optimism._

 _"Things are going bad actually." She sighed, "Like…REALLY bad!"_

 _"What could be wrong?" Starve Venom asked._

 _"It's my mom!" Leo Dancer yowled. "She's found out who I'm going out with and she is just flipping out! All day it's been nonstop lectures to me about how Venom is the evil Fusion counterpart of our sworn draconic enemy, and how I am betraying the family legacy by letting myself get in a relationship with you!"_

 _"Well, that can happen." Venom shrugged. "Sometimes, people can develop prejudices against the dragon race, I'm not sure if it's because of something we said…or several million evil things we've done…but I'm sure we can work this out! All I need to do is meet your mom and convince her that I am not as evil, destructive, and heartless as she thinks!"_

 _"Yeah…see…that's the thing…" Leo Dancer hesitantly replied, sounding like she did when she was about to cough up a hairball out of sheer disgust. "I…kind of convinced my mom…to go out with you…to see what you're like."_

 _"Well, that's perfect!" Venom enthused, eager to meet Leo's wonderful mom and show her what a nice guy he really was._

 _"NO, VENOM!" Leo Dancer shouted through the end of the phone with the roar of a lion, causing Venom to cringe with the volume of her anger. "THIS IS NOT GOOD! YOU DON'T GET IT! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE WORST THING THAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN! MY MOM IS COMPLETELY CRAZY!"_

 _"Oh…well…I doubt she's 'completely' crazy," Starve Venom replied, rubbing his pained draconic ear nubs. "I mean…sure…she might have some quirks here and there, but…"_

 _"My mom thinks she's a goddess." Leo Dancer answered with grimness._

 _"Oh…" Venom replied, all eight of his smiling mouths contracting into O's. He really didn't have anything else to say in response to that._

 _"It gets worse." Leo Dancer groaned, "She's super into all the cheesy cat puns, and I mean REALLY into them, she barely knows any English…or Japanese…or whatever language we're speaking at the moment…"_

 _"It gets kind of confusing sometimes." Venom agreed. "Best not to think about it too much."_

 _"But anyway…" Leo Dancer continued, "…she's fluent in Spanish, which is kind of weird since she's originally from India, and the worst part is…she's a white tiger. And you KNOW how white tigers can act!"_

 _"I have met some white tigers before." Starve Venom grimaced, remembering how stuck-up they generally were._

 _"So yeah." Leo groaned, "Unless you can somehow convince my mom that you can meet her unrealistic standards, then we're basically doomed! That's it! Our relationship is over, and believe me when I tell you, my mom WILL NOT let us meet in secret!"_

 _"Well, I wouldn't say we're doomed." Venom gulped, nervously rubbing his claws together, "I mean…it's like you said, all I have to do is meet your mom's standards and…"_

 _"Venom!" Leo Dancer hissed, "You don't get it! You CAN'T meet my mom's standards! She's gonna take one look at you and think you're a maniacal demon dragon bent on destroying the world!"_

 _"Well, what are your mom's standards?" Venom asked, reminding himself that nothing was impossible if one just believed._

 _Leo Dancer groaned through the other end of the phone, "Unless you can convince her that you're a successful business-dragon with a promising career, absolutely no destructive tendencies, a master of all obscure-eating etiquette that hasn't been practiced since the freaking 16th century, someone who's fluent in Spanish, AND who has a PhD in…something, you don't stand a chance!"_

 _"Well, it's settled, then." Venom shrugged. "I mean, I'm not gonna lie to her and say I'm all those things, but I'm sure if I can show her my best self, she will see that I at least COULD achieve those things. I mean, if I really have to, I AM willing to do all that for you."_

 _"Awwww…that's sweet." Leo Dancer purred from the other end. "But uhm…how exactly do you plan on convincing my mom of that?"_

 _"Oh…I was thinking I could evolve myself for the date." Venom shrugged. "Maybe become Greedy Venom and Career Ambitious Fusion Dragon for this little get together."_

 _"VENOM!" Leo Dancer roared, "THAT'S STUPID! YOU'RE STUPID! SERIOUSLY! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING!? For one, 'Greedy Venom' is a stupid name that doesn't even match the pattern of alliteration Clear Wing and Dark Rebellion had for their evolved versions, and second of all, AN EVOLVED VERSION OF YOURSELF IS JUST GONNA CONVINCE MY MOM THAT YOU'RE AN EVEN MORE EVIL DRAGON THAN SHE ALREADY THINKS!"_

 _"Well, what about Scourge Venom Fusion Dragon?" Starve Venom asked._

 _"That form is exclusive to 'Signs of Renewal,' which you should NOT be giving out any spoilers for!" Leo Dancer snapped._

 _"Well, what about Savage Venom Ma-…?"_

 _"WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT SPOILERS FOR 'SIGNS OF RENEWAL!?'" Leo Dancer roared._

 _"Okay, okay." Venom acquiesced, thoughtfully scratching his horned head as he tried to come up with a solution for his dilemma. "Well…maybe I just need some helpful and subtle guidance while I'm with your mom. Will you be there, Leo Dancer?"_

 _"No." Leo Dancer grimly replied. Through the phone, Venom could hear her mournfully clawing at her scratching post she used to relieve stress. "My mom made it clear, in Spanish, that I would not be allowed to accompany her on the date."_

 _"Well…" Venom thought, "did she say nobody ELSE could come?"_

 _There was a pause._

 _"Venom…what are you thinking?" Leo Dancer asked, her voice filled with great concern._

 _"Well…" Venom replied, "I was just thinking…I'm not always the best in social situations…but…I do know someone who has a very clear head and a knack for these kinds of things, I mean…he hasn't managed to get a girlfriend yet, but we're great friends, and recently, he's been staying at my place while Yugo's away."_

 _"Venom…" Leo Dancer gasped. "You…cannot…be seriously…talking about…!"_

 _"I think it would be a good idea to invite my brother along." Starve Venom replied, confirming that he was indeed thinking of just the thing Leo Dancer dreaded._

 _"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" Leo Dancer roared, "THE LAST THING MY MOM NEEDS TO SEE IS YOUR MEAT-HEADED, AIR-HEADED, DESTRUCTIVE BROTHER, WHO BY THE WAY DESTROYED ME WITH HIS EVOLVED FORM IN A DUEL NOT TOO LONG AGO!"_

 _"Oh, don't worry about it." Venom laughed, "I mean...sure, my brother can get a little rough sometimes, but let me tell you, he is one smart guy! I mean, REALLY smart, in fact, I bet he'd be able to come up with EXACTLY the right things to say to convince your mom to let us keep dating."_

 _"NO! NO! NO!" Leo Dancer roared, slicing through various things with her sword on the other end of the phone before using her special effect to blow up several Special Summoned monsters in a nearby radius out of sheer rage. "LISTEN TO ME, VENOM! DO NOT BRING ALONG YOUR BROTHER! I REPEAT! DO NOT BRING ALONG YOUR BROTHER!"_

 _After waiting for the intense ringing in his ears to die down, Starve Venom put the phone back up to his head._

 _"You're right." Starve Venom sighed._

 _"Thank you." Leo Dancer sighed in relief._

 _"It would be rude to have my brother and I go as two separate entities when your Mom is expecting to go out with just one person." Venom realized, a light bulb going off in his head._

 _On the other end of the phone, Leo Dancer's fur puffed out in shock._

 _"Venom…do…not…"_

 _"Just a second!" Starve Venom ecstatically called through the phone, all eight of his mouths drooling with joy and excitement. "I've got the PERFECT solution to all our problems!"_

 _"VENOM! WAIT!" Leo Dancer roared from the other end, but Starve Venom had already hung up as he rushed over to his brother's room to enact his brilliant plan.  
_  
"So is that why you got mad at him?" Selena asked, "Because he hung up on you?"

"Oh-ho-ho…" Leo Dancer hissed, taking a few practice swings with her sword, "let's just say that that is only the tip of the sword blade I'll be shoving into that dragon's heart!"

Venom gulped.

 _"CEAR WING! CLEAR WING! CLEAR WING! CLEAR WING!" Venom called, repeatedly rapping at his brother's door before shouting into the keyhole to get the Synchro Dragon's attention._

 _"GO AWAY, VENOM!" Clear Wing shouted on the other end. "I'M STILL MAD AT YOU FOR RUINING THE ONE CHANCE I HAD WITH WIND WITCH- WINTER BELL!"_

 _"Oh, but I thought her mom, Winter Goddess, was loving that game of tag we were doing! Should I make her some snickerdoodles to apologize? I know I and my individual mouths can be a little rough sometimes."_

 _Clear Wing groaned inside his room. Through the keyhole, Starve Venom could see his brother cover up his head with a thick pillow._

 _"Venom…are you SERIOUSLY that stupid!?" Clear Wing's muffled voice shouted through the door and pillow._

 _"Only when I'm in love." Starve Venom sincerely replied._

 _"…WHAT!?" Clear Wing exclaimed, wondering where the heck his stupid brother was going with this conversation._

 _"Please, brother!" Starve Venom pleaded, falling on his knees, who each sputtered after tasting the dusty floor of the card world, "You HAVE to help me, IT'S FOR LOVE!" Venom pleaded, his venom-green eyes growing as wide as the eyes of newborn puppies._

 _"Oh…OH!" Clear Wing sadistically laughed, "Oh, I didn't realize it was for love, Venom! Well, how about I help you exactly the way you helped me hook up with Winter Bell!? As in…NOT AT ALL!" He pulled the covers of his bed over his face._

 _"I bought you and Winter Bell tickets for the Melodious Christmas Concert that is coming out this next week." Venom replied. "It's Winter Bell's favorite concert. You can ask her out on a date."_

 _"You…wait…what? Are you serious?" Clear Wing gawked, getting up from his bed and staring in the direction of his bedroom door. "How? I mean…that's a REALLY exclusive concert! How did you manage to get your claws on two tickets!?"_

 _"Free tickeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeets!" Venom coaxed, pulling out a pair of tickets from the mouth of his right wing._

 _"I…uh…oh all right." Clear Wing conceded, hovering up to his door before opening it. With a gigantic goofy grin on his many mouths, Starve Venom handed the two tickets to Clear Wing, who brushed off the drool before gently placing them in his own pockets, (don't ask where those are).  
_  
 _"I know I'm probably gonna regret this." Clear Wing sighed, "But what exactly is it you need me for?"_

 _"I need your body." Venom pleaded._

 _"…What?" Clear Wing gawked, golden eyes bugging out of his head._

 _"Oh, sorry, that sounded weird." Starve Venom hastily apologized, "What I meant to say was…I need you to become a Fusion Material so we can fuse into one combined entity so I can go on a date with my girlfriend's mom while convincing her that I am exactly the kind of dragon she would be comfortable letting her daughter date."_

 _Clear Wing blinked at his Fusion brother. Slowly, his claws reached for the tickets in his pocket._

 _"Here are the tickets you gave me." Clear Wing growled, handing back the concert tickets. "I don't care how desperate I am to get with Winter Bell, I am NOT helping you out with that!"_

 _"Please!?" Starve Venom begged._

 _"NO!" Clear Wing roared._

 _"PRETTY PLEASE!?" Starve_ _Venom pleaded, his green eyes growing as big as a newborn kitten's eyes._

 _"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Clear Wing protested._

 _"Pretty please with a bouquet of white roses to give to Winter Bell on top!?" Starve Venom begged, pulling out a massive beautiful bouquet of snow-white roses from...somewhere._

 _"MY FINAL ANSWER IS NO!" Clear Wing insisted, trying to ignore how easily he could get back into Winter Bell's good books with such a gift._

 _"PRETTY PLEASE WITH A HEART-SHAPED BOX OF MINT TRUFFLES!? I know it's Winter Bell's favoriiiiiiiiiite!"  
_  
"This…goes on for a while." Starve Venom sighed, fast-forwarding through his argument with Clear Wing while Leo Dancer looked on with narrowed eyes to make sure he didn't skip through the other parts.

"Am I seriously carrying around that lame Clear Wing now?" Yuri grumbled, looking through his Extra Deck to find that he was indeed carrying around Yugo's ace monster.

"Believe me, I don't like this any better than you do." Clear Wing grumbled from within his card.

"Shut up, Clear Wing!" Yuri snapped.

"Or what?" Clear Wing sneered. "You'll defuse me? Sorry Yuri, but that threat only works on Venom."

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Yuri growled, threatening to tear Yugo's card in half.

"Quiet, you two." Leo Akaba shushed. "It's playing again."

 _"Okay, okay, FINE!" Clear Wing finally relented. "But you WILL include that combo washer and dryer for me to give to Winter Bell as a gift!"_

 _"Promise!" Starve Venom assured his brother._

 _"Let's just get this over with." Clear Wing grunted, bracing himself for the Fusion that would soon take place._

 _Meanwhile, just as Clear Wing and Starve Venom came to a consensus, Yuri had met up with Yuya, who seemed to be having an animated conversation with himself._

 _"No, Yuto!" Yuya protested, talking to an empty space of air like a crazy person. "I'm telling you, we should just let Shun take care of Ruri while we go and rescue Yuzu!"_

 _"And I'm telling you," Yuya argued right back to himself, "That the last thing Yuzu needs is for you to epically fail rescuing her AGAIN! Besides, I haven't seen Ruri in a long time, I've REALLY been looking forward to this!"_

 _"Do you think I don't miss Yuzu!?" Yuya griped to himself, shaking his fist at the same empty space of air._

 _"YOU'VE HAD MULTIPLE CHANCES TO SAVE HER!" Yuya shouted to himself. "Maybe we should finally save someone who ISN'T just going to end up locking herself up again after getting rescued for the umpteenth time!"_

 _"Did you just insult my Yuzy-Woozie!?"_

 _"So what if I did!? Ruri's way prettier, anyway! And she's not afraid to actually confess her feelings to me!"_

 _"I'll show you a confession of feelings!" Yuya retorted, aggressively wrestling with himself while Yuri looked on with amusement.  
_  
 _"Oh, this is just too good." Yuri laughed, grabbing the attention of Yuya, who stopped wresting himself._

 _"Oh, great, it's you." Yuya growled, "Just so you know, even though I am a 100% committed pacifist who believes in resolving all conflicts through smiles, just like they always have effectively been resolved in history, because you dared to touch Yuzu, and to a lesser extent, Ruri, I swear I am going to go totally renegade on you and ace your sorry purple rear end!"_

 _"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HAW! Yuri laughed, utterly amused by Yuya's pathetic posturing.  
"Seriously?" he laughed, "Is that what you call a threat? Do you really think an idiot like you could beat me? I mean…I knew you were utterly and completely brainless, Yuya, but I never imagined you'd be completely crazy too! Why, it's just like when my beloved Rinnie-Poo lectures me on…"_

 _"Wait…your beloved Rinnie-Poo?" Yuya gawked, surprised that the heartless monster standing before him could actually love someone._

 _"I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT RIN OR HOW MUCH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART!" Yuri bellowed, veins pulsating on his forehead. "I KEEP TELLING EVERYONE, SELENA'S THE ONLY BABE FOR ME!"_

 _"Uh…right." Yuya replied, scratching his head with confusion. "I didn't know you liked Selena."_

 _"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? I HATE SELENA!" Yuri bellowed, causing Yuya to grow even more confused._

 _"But you just said-…"_

 _ **"I NEVER SAID ANYTHING OF THE SORT!"**_ _Yuri roared, his eyes glowing a bright purple._ **_"I EXPLICITLY SAID THAT THE ONLY GIRL I CARE FOR IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, RAY!?"  
_**  
 ** _"GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY RAY!?"_** _Yuya bellowed back, his eyes glowing a bright red.  
_  
 ** _"NEVER!"_** _Yuri countered, activating his duel disk._ _ **"YOU'LL HAVE TO FIGHT ME FOR HER HAND IN DEMONIC MARRIAGE!"  
**_ _  
_ _ **"FINE! I'LL DUEL YOU, THEN!"**_ _Yuya agreed, activating his own Duel Disk._ _ **"AND WHEN I WIN, I SHALL TAKE RAY FOR MYSELF BEFORE RESCUING AND MAKING OUT WITH YUZU AND RURI AT THE SAME TIME, AND RETURNING TO MY HOME DIMENSION OF STANDARD XYZ MIAMI CITY HEARTLAND WHERE WE WILL DEFEAT KAITO, WIN THE MIAMI CHAMPIONSHIP, AND HAVE TWELVE KIDS TOGETHER!"**_

 ** _"NOT BEFORE I BEAT YOU FIRST SO I CAN MARRY RAY, RIN, AND SELENA AT THE SAME TIME BEFORE WINNING THE FRIENDSHIP CUP, CARDING EVERYONE IN THE UNIVERSE AND HAVING TWENTY KIDS TOGETHER!"_** _Yuri retorted.  
_  
 ** _"YOU SICK EVIL PERSON! YOU MAKE ME DISGUSTED!"_** _Yuya growled.  
_  
 ** _"WELL JOKES ON YOU, ZARC."_** _Yuri countered,_ _ **"BECAUSE AT THIS POINT, I'M BASICALLY JUST INSULTING MYSELF!"  
**_  
 ** _"I'M CONFUSED, WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO FIGHT MYSELF TO BECOME ONE?"_**

 ** _"THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION, MAYBE WE COULD JUST LET ONE OF US LOSE ON PURPOSE SO WE CAN ALL SHARE RAY TOGETHER."_**

 ** _"YEAH, THAT SOUNDS GOOD, BUT WHO'S THE SUCKER WHO'S GONNA TAKE THE FALL?"_**

 ** _"WELL, IT SURE AS HECK'S NOT GONNA BE ME!"  
_**  
 ** _"BACK OFF, FOOL! RAY'S MINE!"  
_**  
"Do we really have to be watching this nonsense!?" Yuri snarled, angrily turning to the professor before noticing that Leo Akaba had fallen asleep.

"Uh…Professor?" Yuri asked.

"Wha-huh?" Leo gasped, jerking himself into wakefulness. "Sorry, I fell asleep after Venom offered Clear Wing that combo washer dryer. What did I miss?"

"Uhm…nothing." Yuri hastily replied, turning his attention back to the recording.

 _They continued arguing thusly for quite a while, giving Selena plenty of time to catch up to Yuri, who she still had vowed to destroy with her own hands after confessing her undying eternal love to him.  
_  
"Who…is…narrating…this…thing!?" Selena growled.

 _"Are you kidding me!?" Selena hissed, after overhearing Yuya and Yuri's argument. "SO NOW YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH RAY!? WHO THE HECK IS RAY!?"  
_  
 _"Selena…Selenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" A ghostly feminine voice called from within Selena's bracelet._

 _Selena froze with fear and confusion. "Who the heck is this?" she asked, wondering if her obsession with Yuri had finally caused her brain to snap._

 _"Selenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…" the disembodied voice warbled with the same ghostly cadence, "I am Ray! The ancient professional duelist from the United World! I have come to speak with you, for only you have the power to defeat the evil that is rising!"_

 _"Wait…YOU'RE RAY!?" Selena snarled, "YOU'RE THE SKANK WHO YURI'S BEEN CHEATING ON ME WITH BEHIND MY BACK!?"_

 _"You know, you two aren't exactly boyfriend and girlfriend." Ray dryly replied within Selena's bracelet._

 _"OF COURSE WE'RE NOT!" Selena snapped. "How could you accuse me of actually liking that stupid baka!? I just can't believe you would dare to take Yuri from me…even though I totally don't like him!"_

 _"Ok, I'm not going out with-…" Ray began._

 _"YOU WANNA GO, SISTER!?" Selena bellowed, shaking her bracelet in the air, "I DON'T CARE IF YOU REALLY ARE A GHOST! I AM SO TAKING YOU ON IN A DUEL!"_

 _"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!?" Ray snapped, managing to silence Selena. "LOOK! I'm not going out with Yuri! I already have a boyfriend! But right now, I need your help because my boyfriend is currently being a complete idiot and wanting to reform into a gigantic dragon demon overlord thingy so he can destroy the world."_

 _"Dragon demon overlord thingy?" Selena asked, wondering what the disembodied voice was talking about._

 _"Long story." Ray replied. "So are you gonna help me stop him or not? I've already got enough problems trying to convince Ruri to go along with this, and Rin and Yuzu have both been locked up, so I DO NOT need any more sass from you right now!"  
_  
 _"And why should I help you!?" Selena sneered. "I mean, what's in it for me?"_

 _"Just freaking get over to that duel and stop the apocalypse!" Ray snarled._

 _"Not happening!" Selena petulantly replied, turning her head away and folding her arms over her chest in defiance._

 _"OK! THAT'S IT! I'VE TRIED TO BE NICE, BUT YOU'VE LEFT ME NO CHOICE!" Ray roared, "I'M JUST STRAIGHT UP POSSESSING YOU GIRLS NOW!"_

 _"Wait, what do you mean by possess-? WHA-WHA-WHA-WHA-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Selena bellowed as her eyes suddenly glowed a bright green after entering her own knock-off version of Berserk Mode.  
_  
 _"Okay…so let's see…" Selena mused in Ray's voice, examining her body. "Oh, gosh, I didn't realize how long it's been since I've driven my own body! So let's see...WHOOPS!" She exclaimed after accidentally stumbling into a tree. "Okay…just a second! I've got this…OOF! OUCH! TREE! Ok Ray… just take it slow…right foot…left foot…right foot…left foot…"  
_  
Everyone had their eyes glued to the screen as Selena stumbled forward like a possessed robot.

"I…I…" Selena stammered, "Okay, I can't explain this one." She groaned, hanging her head down in shame and embarrassment.

"I move to have Selena carded as an unreliable asset to Academia." Yuri piped up.

"I MOVE TO HAVE YURI CARDED BECAUSE HE'S CLEARLY POSSESSED BY A DEMON!" Selena countered, stamping on Yuri's foot.

"BB think both Yuri and Selena should be carded." BB contributed.

"BB!" Yuri and Selena snarled, turning on the jungle man.

"I'll card all three of you if you don't stop interrupting the film!" Leo roared, silencing all three of the duelists.

 _Meanwhile, over in the Western Tower, Ray was enacting her own gentle methods of persuasion on Ruri._

 _"YOU WILL GET POSSESSED BY ME AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!" Ray bellowed, causing Ruri's eyes to glow a bright pink before making her quickly turn to her brother, who was lovingly guiding her out of her tower.  
_  
 _"SORRY, SHUN!" Ruri hastily bellowed, wrenching her hand free from her brother's grasp and zooming down the steps of the Western Tower. "I'VE GOTTA HEAD OVER TO A NEARBY DUEL TO STOP AN EVIL DEMON FROM RESURRECTING AND DESTROYING THE WORLD, I'M GONNA BORROW THE BODY OF YOUR SISTER AND RUN OFF BEFORE YOU HAVE TIME TO PROCESS THIS SENTENCE, BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"_

 _Shun blinked at his sister, trying to process what she had just said, before it suddenly hit him._

 _"GET BACK HERE AND STOP RUNNING OFF TO BE A MAJOR CHARACTER!" Shun bellowed, hurrying after his sister._

"So THAT'S why Ruri wasn't acting like her normal submissive self." Shun called from outside the castle.

"She's an interesting character." Venom mused.

"Quiet, Venom!" Shun snapped. "I blame you for Academia capturing her again!"

 ** _"OKAY!"_** _Yuri and Yuya said in unison,_ _ **"I've got the solution! We'll both lose and both of us will absorb ourselves at the same time!"  
**_  
 ** _"That's stupid!"_** _Yuri and Yuya bellowed in unison,_ _ **"How do we both lose!? And even if we do manage to both lose, what if that just makes it so I can NEVER be revived!? We should totally just do this the classic way and have a regular duel where one of us wins, one of us loses, and no matter what the outcome is, I win!"  
**_  
 _"Neither of you will be winning if I can help it!" Selena and Ruri proclaimed in unison, epically leaping in front of Yuri and Yuya to stop the impending apocalypse.  
_  
 ** _"Well if it isn't you, 50% of Ray!"_** _Yuri and Yuya rumbled in unison._ _ **"I was wondering when you would show up! You're looking just as nagging and ravishingly beautiful as ever in your two bodies!"  
**_  
 _"And you are looking just as evil and sexy in your two bodies." Selena and Ruri retorted in unison, activating their Duel Disks at the same time.  
_  
 ** _"So it finally begins!"_** _Yuya and Yuri sneered in unison,_ _ **"The battle everyone has been waiting for since the beginning! The forces of light vs. the forces of darkness in a battle to decide the fate of the universe! I think it only fitting that I should summon my two greatest servants!"**_ _  
_  
 _"Bring it!" Selena and Ruri taunted in unison. "I'm not scared of you, even if I only currently have 50% of myself gathered against you, I am totes gonna crush you with my goddess cards!"_

 ** _"Oh, I'll bring it!"_** _Yuya and Yuri taunted,_ _ **"Believe me, the fun of the hunting game has just begun! Through the power of my own dark awesomeness and plot convenience, I summon Odd-Eyes Raging Dragon and Starve Venom Corruption Dragon from my Extra Deck right off the bat!"  
**_  
 _"OH, YEAH, BABY!" Odd-Eyes Raging Dragon whooped as he descended to the duel field. "I AM ON FIRE TONIGHT! WHOO! JUST YOU WAIT, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN! I PITY THE FOOL WHO'S FACIN' OFF AGAINST MY COMBINED SWAG AND EVIL!"  
_  
 _Starve Venom Corruption Dragon, on the other hand, took a little longer to appear._

 _"Venom!? Clear Wing!? Get your combined form out here!" Yuri and Yuya bellowed in unison.  
_  
 _From within the Extra Deck, they could hear the two brothers arguing._

 _"NO! NO! I ALREADY TOLD YOU VENOM, I GET TO PILOT THE RIGHT LEG!" Clear Wing growled._

 _"Wait, is it my right or your right?" Venom asked.  
_  
 _"IT'S THE SAME THING, VENOM! WE'RE FUSED!" Clear Wing bellowed._

 _"Oh, right!" Starve Venom giggled, "That's why I have you around."_

 _"I'm surrounded by idiots." Clear Wing grumbled before he and Venom's combined form clumsily lumbered onto the duel field._

 _"Wow! I never knew it would be this cool having a mouth on my stomach!" the combined voice of Venom and Clear Wing exclaimed within Starve Venom Corruption Dragon as the monstrous hybrid dragon opened and closed the demonic mouth on its stomach._

 _"SHUT UP, VENOM!" Corruption Dragon growled, smacking its own stomach. "I'll keep my end of the bargain, but you will let ME do the talking!"_

 _Odd Eyes Raging Dragon gawked at the misshapen fusion of Clear Wing and Starve Venom with his mouth hanging open in shock and disgust.  
_  
 _"Oh, wow…do…do I look that hideous? Nah…that's ridiculous! I'm a masterpiece! Ain't no chick who can't help falling in love with this beauty!" He reassured himself with the combined arrogance of Odd-Eyes and Dark Rebellion._

 _"I'm afraid my monsters wouldn't agree with you, demon dragon!" Selena and Ruri countered in unison. "And I'm about to show you why!"  
_  
 ** _"BRING IT!"_** _Yuri and Yuya bellowed in unison._ _ **"OUR BATTLE SHALL BE LEGENDARY! BEGIN YOUR TURN AND WE CAN ENGAGE IN GLORIOUS BATTLE!"  
**_  
 _"Um…actually." Corruption Dragon apologized, "I'm kind of expecting to meet someone today, so…can we postpone the duel until then?"_

 _"What!?" Yuri, Yuya, Selena, and Ruri exclaimed in unison, staring at the fusion of Starve Venom and Clear Wing._

 _"And I already thought this duel was confusing." Raging Dragon murmured.  
_  
 _"Well I/we don't care what your clearly evil demonic dragon thinks!" Selena and Ruri countered. "Especially when it's clearly a ruse to get me/us to let my/our guard down!"_

 _"Oh, no, this isn't any trick." Corruption Dragon insisted._

 _"SHUT UP, DEMON!" Ruri and Selena bellowed in unison. "I/we am/are ending this duel right now with my/our ace monster! I/we summon Moon-Light White Tiger Momma Goddess!"  
_  
"Oh, boy…" Starve Venom groaned, face palming, "here she comes."

 _Above the duelist's heads in a glorious pillar of light, one of Ray's ace monsters (and Starve Venom's date for that day) descended to the duel field while maintaining a meditative pose. In the white tiger-lady's lap, Moon-Light Blue Cat slept with her eyes closed, purring contently as her momma stroked her cute fur with one of her ten arms. In each of the White Tiger Ladies arms was a different weapon for defeating demons or raising children, which, let's be honest, sometimes it's the exact same thing.  
_  
 _"Esta bien, Gato Azul." White Tiger Goddess purred, saying something to the effect of it being time for Moon-Light Blue Cat to stop sleeping on her lap. "Esta tiempo para destruir el Novio de Leo Dancer, Venom. Vaya con tus Hermanas hasta que yo mato aquel dragonio." She ordered, indicating that Moon-Light Blue Cat should just go and play with her sisters until she finished destroying Leo Dancer's evil boyfriend._

 _"Pero mama, no quiero ir! Todavia quiero dormir!" Blue Cat whined in Spanish, clearly communicating that she still wanted to nap on her mother's lap._

 _"Callate, hija mia!" White Tiger Goddess angrily hissed, indicating that Blue Cat should shut up. "Soy tu mama, y tu debes hacer todo que yo digo tu debes hacer!" She finished, telling Blue Cat to do as Momma says._

 _"Si, mama." Blue cat grumbled, angrily scampering back into Selena's deck._

 _Once she had left, White Tiger Goddess got up before brushing Blue Cat's fur off her dress and briskly strolling over to Starve Venom and Clear Wing's fusion, shaking her tiger-lady head in disapproval as she did._

 _"Ay caramba!" White Tiger Goddess sighed, "Entonces…esto es el dragonio, Starve Venom? Que feo." She sniffed, expressing her displeasure that THIS happened to be the ugly dragon her daughter was currently dating._

 _"You never told me she would be speaking Spanish, Venom!" Corruption Dragon hissed to itself, looking down at the mouth on its stomach._

 _"You mean you can't understand her!?" The mouth on Corruption Dragon's stomach protested in Starve Venom's voice._

 _"No! I don't speak Spanish!" Corruption Dragon growled in Clear Wing's voice. "Do you!?"_

 _"Well, yeah." The mouth on Corruption Dragon's stomach replied in Venom's voice._

 _"You speak Spanish!?" Clear Wing exclaimed in complete shock._

 _"Yeah." The stomach mouth repeated. "Don't you?"_

 _"I only speak dragon and a little English or Japanese, depending on which version you're reading!" Clear Wing snapped. "How do you expect me to communicate with her!?"  
_  
"You know, he brings up a point." Yuri grumbled. "Are we gonna have to listen to Leo Dancer's mom speak Spanish without understanding a word of what she says for the rest of the film?"

"Don't worry, she switches to English, or Japanese, or whatever we're speaking at the moment." Starve Venom reassured his master. "And besides, we can always put on subtitles if it is really bothering you."

 _"I can too speak English or Japanese. "White Tiger Goddess replied to Corruption Dragon with a very thick accent, interrupting the dragon's conversation with itself. "So…entonces…you are the evil and ugly dragon who is dating my precious daughter and filling her young head with your cunning demon dragon lies?" She interrogated, putting one of her many pairs of hands on her hips as she glared at Corruption Dragon with disapproval._

 _"Uhm…yes?" Corruption Dragon replied, nervous on how terrible this get-together had begun._

 _"Humph!" White Tiger sniffed. "I thought so! And no doubt you plan on taking away my precious daughter's innocence, just so you can enact your demonic plan to destroy the entire universe with your master's darkness?"_

 _"Actually…" Corruption Dragon protested, "I'm totally not interested in destroying anything!"  
_  
 ** _"What!?"_** _Yuri, Yuya, and Odd-Eyes Raging Dragon exclaimed in unison.  
_  
 _"HA! Cunning lies of a demon dragon!" White Tiger Goddess hissed, narrowing her cat eyes into slits. "I bet you think you can come here and tell me you are successful business-dragon who wouldn't hurt a fly! I bet you plan on coming here and telling me you are big, strong, ambitious, evolved dragon with impressive salary who can provide for my sweet and innocent, precious daughter!"_

 _"Well, I-…" Corruption Dragon began._

 _"Oh, save your breath, Demon!" White Tiger Goddess sniffed disapprovingly. "I have already seen and heard enough! I will not be fooled by your lies! I have already seen through your lies! White Tiger Goddess know all things with her divine goddess powers!"  
_  
"Oh, mom…" Leo Dancer groaned, pinching her forehead in embarrassment.

 _"But I haven't even-…" Corruption Dragon protested, before he was again interrupted by White Tiger Goddess._

 _"Callate demonio!" White Tiger Goddess commanded, ordering the demon to shut up. "I will not let you approach my previous daughter! Prepare to have your body cut into four pieces, like I cut that ancient demon dragon, Zarc, into four pieces all those years ago!"_

 _She began advancing on Corruption Dragon, who was backing away, swinging her ten weapons through the air with fury while being completely unaware of the fact that Odd-Eyes Raging Dragon was sneaking up on her.  
_  
 _"Uhm…Miss White Tiger-…" Corruption Dragon tried to get out._

 _"NO! NO MORE LIES!" White Tiger Goddess wept like an enraged widow in a Spanish soap opera, "I am decided! I shall cut down all enemies who would deceive my daughter!"_

 _Ruri and Selena also noticed what was going on and tried to warn their ace monster. White Tiger Goddess, however, didn't pay attention._

 _"Hello…my name is Moon-Light White Tiger Goddess," she growled, advancing on Corruption Dragon with her weapons drawn, "a dragon just like you killed my husband, prepare to die!"  
_  
 _"SERIOUSLY, YOU SHOULD LOOK BEHIND-…" Corruption Dragon tried to warn White Tiger Goddess before AGAIN getting cut off by the irrational cat-lady's rage._

 _"ENOUGH, DEMON! NOW YOU DIE!" White Tiger Goddess hissed, lunging at Corruption Dragon and threatening to end the holographic lives of Starve Venom and Clear Wing._

 _"I…AM NOT…A DEMON!" Corruption Venom bellowed, managing to leap over White Tiger Goddess and slam his draconic head into Raging Dragon before the combined version of his other two brothers could ambush the surprised cat lady._

 _"Hey, man, what are you-…!?" Raging Dragon angrily sputtered, watching in stunned disbelief as his other two brothers used their combined powers to kick Odd-Eyes and Dark Rebellion back into their separate cards._

 _"What? Why? How?" White Tiger Goddess sputtered, stunned by Corruption Dragon's act of rescuing her. "Why would you-…?"_

 _This time, it was Corruption Dragon's turn to interrupt Leo Dancer's mom._

 _"Look, Miss White Tiger Goddess," Corruption Dragon apologized. "I'm sorry about what happened to…erm...Mister White Tiger…God? But you've got me all wrong! I never wanted to destroy the world!"_

 _"_ _YES YOU DO!?" Yuri and Yuya bellowed in unison._

 _"_ _NO I DON'T!" Corruption Dragon bellowed, ignoring his master's angry attempts to get him to fight. "The only thing I want to do is spread smiles and egao like my hero, Yusho Sakaki!"_

 _"_ _Lies! All lies!" White Tiger Goddess hissed, keeping her various weapons at the ready._

 _"_ _Well…" Corruption Dragon thought, "I suppose you would be right about one thing. I haven't been completely honest with you."_

 _"_ _I KNEW IT!" White Tiger Goddess triumphantly hissed._

 _"_ _Well…that's gonna change now." Corruption Dragon grunted, walking over to Yuri and yanking a copy of De-Fusion from his hand without his master's permission before activating it._

 _ **"**_ _ **Hey! What do you think you're-…"**_ _Yuri and Yuya protested as Clear Wing and Starve Venom separated from each other, much to Clear Wings relief._

 _"_ _OH MY GOSH THAT WAS HORRIBLE!" Clear Wing gasped. "I mean, SERIOUSLY VENOM!? Do you EVER bathe!? Or brush your teeth!?"_

 _"_ _Every day." Starve Venom replied._

 _"_ _Well it is not NEARLY enough!" Clear Wing snapped, brushing off his body before hovering in the air with his wings. I'm going back into the card world to take care of your stench, and for the record, we are NEVER doing that again!" he finished, disappearing into Yuri's Extra Deck._

"So why are you mad at Starve Venom again?" Selena asked, scratching her blue hair with confusion.

"Wait for it." Leo Dancer hissed, eyeing Starve Venom with a murderous look.

 _"_ _What…two of you!" White Tiger Goddess hissed. "So you were already trying to combine into that demon dragon again!?"_

 _"_ _Listen, Miss White Tiger Goddess, I am truly sorry." Starve Venom humbly apologized, bowing slightly to Leo Dancer's mom._

 _"_ _Eh?" White Tiger Goddess asked, looking confused._

 _"_ _I…I was trying to impress you with an evolved form, but…but I went too far." Starve Venom continued, wringing his clawed hands. "I know you might not think I am worthy of your daughter, and frankly, I don't think I am worthy of her either, but whatever it takes for you to reconsider, know that I will do anything, ANYTHING, to earn your approval if it can only mean being with your daughter!"_

 _"_ _You would do…anything?" White Tiger Goddess exclaimed, surprised by the humility and respect Starve Venom was showing her. Most dragons she had met were always thumping their scaly chests and promising to destroy the world. Why wasn't this one?_

 _"_ _Yes, I WILL do anything!" Starve Venom agreed, taking White Tiger Goddess's feminine cat girl hands in his clawed draconic hands, much to the White Tiger Cat-Lady's surprise. "I will climb a mountain for you! No, a hundred mountains! I will fly to the moon! I would cross the sea! I would do any and all these things for you! I would-…"_

 _As Starve Venom kept listing promises, slowly but surely, White Tiger Goddess began looking at Starve Venom…differently._

 _"_ _Que guapo." She purred to herself, noticing how much handsomer Starve Venom was than his evolved form. "Pienso que… esto dragonio puede ser un bien novio." She mused, noticing how Starve Venom could indeed be a good boyfriend for her daughter…or…dare she say it…someone else._

 _"_ _I promise to do whatever you ask me!" Starve Venom continued, not noticing the different way White Tiger Goddess was looking at him at this point. "I promise to get an education, a job, anything you need me to do Miss White Tiger Goddess I'll-…"_

 _"_ _Oh please…" White Tiger Goddess suddenly interrupted Venom, pressing her finger to his draconic lips while leaning in closer. "You can call me…Esmeralda." she purred._

 _"_ _Esmeralda?" Venom repeated, suddenly looking extremely confused and uncomfortable._

 _"_ _Si, mi amor." White Tiger Goddess purred, taking a step closer to Venom. "That would be absolutely purr-fect."_

 _"_ _Uhm…I can see what your daughter was meaning by the cheesy cat puns now." Starve Venom replied, sweat beading on his draconic face._

 _"_ _I'd paw-fer we not talk about Leo Dancer right now." White Tiger Goddess insisted._

 _"_ _Uhm…then what do we talk about?" Starve Venom asked, turning a deeper shade of purple._

 _"_ _Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" White Tiger Goddess insisted, wrapping her multiple pairs of arms around Starve Venom, "no talking right now…now we let our feelings do the talking for us."_

 _"_ _Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…?" Starve Venom buzzed, all eight of his mouths hanging open in stunned disbelief, and this is Venom we're talking about so you KNOW stuff just got weird! "I'm kind of…uhm…so…uh…does this mean I can date your daughter?" Starve Venom ventured._

 _"_ _Fur-tunately for you," White Tiger Goddess purred, letting loose more of the cat puns as her mood improved "I think you are su-purr-ior to other dragons. So you can paw-sitively go out with my daughter. But perhaps, I could purr-suade you to…perhaps…paw-fer…someone else? Then we could have moments like this one…fur-ever" she batted her long tiger eyelashes at Venom._

 _"_ _WELL THANKS FOR SHOWING AN OPEN MIND!" Venom bellowed, shoving himself away from White Tiger Goddess before zipping back into Yuri's Extra Deck before things could devolve into a harem anime series._

 _"_ _Oh…what a draconic man!" White Tiger purred to herself as she watched Venom leave._

 _Once he had left, she turned her attention to Yuya and Yuri who were both blinking in unified confusion._

 _"_ _Whelp, I suppose it's back to what I was doing before!" she shrugged before unsheathing her weapons and advancing on Yuri and Yuya in order to give them both the butt-kicking that was coming to them with each of their respective fields completely emptied of monsters to hide behind._

"And I think I've seen enough." Leo Dancer hissed, shutting off the video before advancing on Starve Venom with her sword raised above her head.

"Ok…look!" Starve Venom panicked, backing away from Selena's ace monster, "I know things got awkward with your mom, to the point where she won't stop texting me now, but you saw me! I didn't do anything!"

"Oh don't give me that!" Leo Dancer hissed, "You were totally enjoying it! I've never seen you get that chummy with me!"

"That's because you don't have ten arms like your mom!" Venom protested before he could stop himself.

"Oh, oh! I see what it is now! So I don't have enough arms for you!' Leo Dancer growled, "Is it because you've got so many mouths!? Are you only interested in babes who've got an equal number of extra body parts as you!? Well how about I fix that! How about I chop off a few of those extra mouths so we can be even!"

The extra mouths on Venom's wings, knees, hips, and tail each began quivering.

"Oh come on!" Yuri shouted at his ace monster. "You don't have to take this from her! Boost your attack by her own ridiculously high attack and show her who's boss!"

Venom, however, took a different tact.

"Please don't be mad at me!" he begged, falling on his knees and looking up at his girlfriend with big venom-green puppy-dog eyes. "I'll do anything to make it up to you!"

"You are a disgrace to my evil." Yuri groaned, face-palming.

"You have no idea how much of a disgrace he is." Clear Wing agreed from within his card.

"You wanna be my new signature ace monster?" Yuri asked, pulling out the Clear Wing card.

"Just so long as I don't have to deal with Yugo's stupidity anymore." Clear Wing sighed.

"You, my friend, are the only Duel Monster in my deck who understands me." Yugo murmured, placing the Clear Wing card back in his Duel Disk.

Leo Dancer paused mid-swing before decapitating her idiotic boyfriend as she stared into his deep green eyes.

"Ugh…I can't destroy you when you look at me like that." She sighed, sheathing her sword, "But this doesn't mean you're forgiven!"

"What do I need to do to be forgiven?" Venom pleaded.

"Tell him to eat Yuri!" Selena suggested.

"Tell him to skin Selena and make her into a new leather jacket for you!" Yuri countered.

"BB think Leo Dancer and Starve Venom should have honest and open discussion and resolve disagreement in civil fashion." BB suggested.

Selena and Yuri each glared at BB, who slowly backed away.

"First," Leo Dancer growled, "you have to say you're sorry."

"I'M SORRY!" Venom apologized, "Is that all?"

"Nope!" Leo Dancer hissed. "Now you've gotta do it in Spanish."

"LO SIENTO!" Venom pleaded.

"Now backwards."

"YRROS M'I"

"Now through a Caesarian cipher three letters back from 'N.'"

"L'P VRUUB!"

"Now through an Atbash cipher."

"R'N HLIIB!"

"Now through a Keyed Vigenere cipher with the keyword, 'Venom.'"

"D'Q FCDMC!"

"Ok, I guess there's only one thing left now." Leo Dancer shrugged.

"What is it?" Venom asked.

Leo Dancer spread out her arms.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwww…" BB exclaimed as Starve Venom and Leo Dancer embraced.

"I seriously can't believe our ace monsters like each other." Selena huffed.

"Don't think that's ever gonna be our fate!" Yuri growled, "I'm still in love with Rin!"

"What!?" Selena hissed.

"NOTHING!" Yuri insisted, hastily changing the subject by screaming, "SO PROFESSOR, WHAT DO YOU THINK? I TOLD YOU SELENA WAS A TRAITOR FROM THE START! SHALL I CARD HER ON THE SPOT RIGHT NOW!?"

"Are you kidding me!?" Selena hissed, "Yuri's a lunatic! He would have become a world-destroying demon if I weren't there! Card him instead!"

"Wha-huh!?" the professor exclaimed, waking up with a start and spilling his bowl of popcorn on the floor.

"Uh…professor?" Yuri began.

"We're you…? Selena asked.

"Oh, sorry." The Professor apologized, brushing a few kernels off his lap. "I dozed off shortly after you woke me the last time. What did I miss?"

Yuri and Selena looked at each other.

"Nothing…" Yuri began.

"Important." Selena finished.

"Actually…" BB began.

"SHUT UP BB!" Selena and Yuri exclaimed in unison before ganging up on the poor Battle Beast and booting him out of the throne room.

"Well." Leo shrugged, "Since I guess I didn't miss anything important, I have reached my verdict! Yuri, Selena, you are both to be immediately reassigned your new tasks!"

"What new tasks?" Yuri asked, narrowing his eyes with suspicion.

"Well first off." Leo began, clapping his hands together, "I need you, Yuri, to clamber into this dark and cramped elevator, which is totally not designed to trap you in a cage forever."

"Wha-but I hate cramped spaces!" Yuri protested. "I'm claustrophobic!"

"What did you say?" Selena sneered.

"YURI REPORTING FOR DUTY BECAUSE I AM A COMPLETELY FEARLESS AND RUTHLESS ACADEMIA SOLDIER UNLIKE THIS STUPID CAT-LADY RIN, I MEAN, SELENA!" Yuri bellowed, charging into the dark and cramped elevator, which was totally not designed by Leo to trap the Fusion Duelist.

"As for you, Selena." Leo continued. "I actually need you to clean the inside of this suspicious-looking glass tube which happens to be just your size." He finished, indicating one of four glass tubes sitting behind his throne.

"What! Cleaning!?" Selena whined.

"YOU WILL GET INTO THAT GLASS TUBE AND YOU WILL STAY THERE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE UNTIL I RESURRECT RAY!" Leo ordered, losing his temper.

"What did you say?" Selena asked.

"You will get in that glass tube, clean it, and come straight back out because I am totally not gonna trap you inside so I can resurrect Ray." Leo repeated.

"Oh all right." Selena groaned, picking up a paper towel and a spray bottle. "I guess as long as I'm not going to be used to resurrect Ray."

"Good girl." The professor nodded, watching as Selena walked into the glass tube, which he was totally not going to trap her inside. "And don't worry about Yuri, either." He told Selena as she began wiping the out the inside of the tube. "I've got a good friend that will be taking care of him…in the next chapter of 'Moon-Light Sorrow.'"

To be Continued?

 **So this is all for now. Thank you Nox Descious for making such an AWESOME story that was so fun to parody! Once more content from "Moon-Light Sorrow" comes out, you can bet your Bottomless Trap Hole that I'll be adding on to this silly parody. Special Thanks also goes to CorinnetheAnime for always being here to proofread my work. And finally, thank you everyone who reads/tolerates/barely survives my insanity. God bless you and until more content is released from "Moon-Light Sorrow," this is Donjusticia realizing that he STILL hasn't finished that extremely ANNOYING chapter of "Venom's Quest!"**


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **THE FOLLOWING FANFIC DOCUMENTS REAL-LIFE EVENTS AS RECORDED BY PROFESSIONAL TANGIBLE DRAGON AND CAT-GIRL HOLOGRAMS IN THE FIELD. SOME EVENTS DEPICTED IN THIS DOCUMENTARY CONTAIN GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF BERSERK YU-BOY VIOLENCE, HARROWING IMAGES OF A DRUNK BRACELET GIRL, DISTURBING MUSICAL LANGUAGE, LEWD DISPLAYS OF PLAGARISM FROM OTHER NOTABLE ABRIDGED SERIES, AND A HALF-CHIMPANZEE HALF-HUMAN DUEL SOLDIER WITH NO SENSE OF PERSONAL HYGIENE. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. TO PROTECT THE ANONYMITY OF CERTAIN REAL-LIFE ANIME CHARACTERS, NAMES HAVE BEEN WITHHELD OR MODIFIED…OR AT LEAST…THAT'S WHAT WE WOULD HAVE DONE, HAD WE NOT BEEN OFFERED A RATHER LARGE SUM OF MONEY FROM THE MAFIA. ENJOY.**

Moonlight Mood-Swings – Chapter 4: My What a Gal, Selena

"Yeah, he was pretty messed up, let me tell you." The Doktor explained as he and his co-workers prepared to fire up the Arc-Area reactor while Yuzu, Ruri, Rin, and Selena each cleaned the inside of their respective glass tubes, chatting with one another as they did so.

"What happened to his counterpart?" Another scientist asked.

"Well that's the messed up part!" The Doktor exclaimed. "They say Yuri KILLED his counterpart and that his ghost haunts him to this very day!"

"…really?" another scientist asked, eyes bugging out of his head with incredulity.

"NO! Of course not!" The Doktor spat. "What? Are you stupid? We're doctors! Scientists! Now infuse these bracelet girls with some science! Sweet, delicious, anime science!"

"Uhm…I should probably mention…" one of the scientists began before he was cut off.

"No, fool!" The Doktor snapped. "This is the very moment we have been working towards for our entire lives! The bracelet girls have all been gathered, the life energy has been collected, the dimensions are ripe for fusing, and the best part is, Yuri's about to be locked up so he can't spoil our celebration by carding us all! So do it now! Activate the Arc-Area Project! Smash the universes together like I once smashed four spiders together just to see what would happen! MWU-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAW!"

"Wait…I meant to say…!" one of the scientists sputtered, before another scientist pressed the "START" button on the control panel.

"INITTIATING ARC-AREA PROJECT!" The deep, epic voice of the Arc-Area Computer boomed. "CHECKING FOR UPDATES…would you like to upgrade to V.R.A.I.N.S. Pro?"

"No we don't want to upgrade to V.R.A.I.N.S. Pro!" The Doktor spat. "Just run !"

"INSTALLING, ! ESTIMATED DOWNLOAD TIME…30 seconds..."

"Excellent!" The Doktor eagerly mused.

"…20 second…"

"Yes…yes!" The Doktor cackled. "Leo will be so pleased with me! Maybe he'll even take my idea to brainwash his own daughter with brain parasites seriously!"

"…10 seconds…"

"YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!"

"…5 days…"

The Doktor stared at the screen in disbelief.

"Okay…which one of you gear-heads decided to install something using our system during our work hours and what the heck was it!" he barked.

"I uh…well…" the same scientists stammered, "…you see I uh…well…I found this uhm…wallpaper…of Blue Angel…and I uh…I thought it would really spruce up the screen of the computer so uh…"

"WALLPAPER OF BLUE ANGEL!?" The Doktor sputtered, "Who is that!? Who even is that!? And how is a bit of wallpaper sucking our RAM dry!?"

"Uhm…well…it's…lots…of wallpaper…" the scientist hesitantly explained.

"How much?" the Doktor asked.

"50…thousand…million…mega…giga…terabytes…"

"You're fired." The Doktor hissed. "You are so fired."

"Uhm…what does my severance package include again?" the scientist nervously whimpered.

"You get an all-expense paid trip to the card world." The Doktor snapped, grabbing a Duel Disk and carding the scientist. "Feel free to visit Starve Venom while you're there."

"How are my favorite Fusion homeboys doing?" Leo Akaba's enthusiastic voice suddenly boomed from the intercom before his smiling face appeared on the viewing screen. All around his throne room, the Professor had been busy hanging up balloons, streamers, and a flyer with the words "WELCOME HOME RAY!" written on its front. "I've almost finished decorating the cake and I've rented a bounce house for my baby girl. How's progress on the Arc-Area project?"

"Uhm…I…" The Doktor hesitantly replied.

"Stunned silence and nervous hesitation is a good sign, right?" Leo asked, looking hopeful.

"Well uh…no…Professor." The Doktor gulped. "We've…run into a slight…5 day delay…"

"What do you mean!?" Leo sputtered, looking EXTREMELY disappointed. "What the heck happened!? I'm dead certain there was nothing iffy about my screwball logic to revive my long-dead daughter by fusing her four reincarnations with a machine powered by the trading cards of innocent human souls!"

"Uhm…well…nothing wrong with the machine thankfully." The Doktor explained, "But uhm…well…our system has kind of…slowed down due to…Blue Angel wallpaper…being downloaded?"

"Blue Angel?" Leo asked. "I LOVE Blue Angel! Lot of great fan-art of her already. I even downloaded some wallpaper of her for my Duel Disk!"

'Uh, Professor, you're missing the point." The Doktor replied. "It's going to take DAYS for the Arc-Area Project to start up."

"I told you we should have upgraded to V.R.A.I.N.S. Pro." Leo frowned.

"I didn't want to pay the premium price for it." The Doktor admitted.

"Yeah, well now I've set up Ray's resurrection party for nothing! Thank's a lot penny pincher!" Leo huffed. "Now what am I supposed to do with Ray's counterparts while we wait!?"

"I don't know, they're your 25% daughters!" The Doktor protested. "Take em out for an ice-cream, spend some father-daughter bonding time with them, get to know them, I don't care!?"

"Hmmmmm…" Leo mused, pacing back and forth in his decorated throne room while thoughtfully stroking his chin, "…father-daughter bonding time. I could get to know Ray's counterparts, see them for who they truly are, bare my heart to them, lay at their feet the exact nature of what is going on while explaining why I have dedicated myself to reviving the very person they represent, there could be lots of riveting emotional escapades as the girls begin to see me as less of a flat villain and more of the complex human being I am, while at the same time, I could come to see the individuality and humanity in each of them. It could be such an excellent opportunity for some very deep and emotional character development for all of us. Heck, I might even convince some of the girls that fusing together to revive Ray is the right thing.

…

…

…

PFFFFFFFFFFFT! Nah! That's stupid!" Leo laughed. "Eh, just lock Rin, Ruri, and Yuzu in the dungeons while letting Selena roam Academia freely. And I mean FREELY! Like…make sure Selena has absolutely NOBODY monitoring her every movement at all times! I think Selena has proven without a doubt that she is a 100% loyal soldier of Academia, despite the fact that she betrayed us once, so I say we should practically give her free reign to roam Academia as she pleases, down to the dungeons and Arc-Area Project!"

"Professor, that sounds like a stupid idea." The Doktor protested.

"DON'T YOU QUESTION MY GENIUS!" Leo snapped. "MY GENIUS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAS MADE THIS ENTIRE MULTIVERSE A MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE, AND BY GOLLY, MY GENIUS IS EXACTLY WHAT WILL FIX THE MESS I MADE!"

 **Meanwhile, at the glass tubes…**

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand…clean." Said Selena making one final swipe inside the glass tube before stepping out and throwing away her paper towel. "Well that's got to have been one of the most pointless missions I've ever gotten from the professor."

"Oh, would you rather go back to kidnapping me?" Yuzu snarled, stepping out of her own glass tube before glaring at Selena.

"Hey, it was nothing personal." Selena shrugged, "I just needed to use you as a pawn so I could end up scoring a hot date with Yuri."

"WHAT!?" Yuzu sputtered, eyes bugging out of her head in disbelief.

"That same guy who killed my very own baka, Yugo?" Rin sniffed.

"Hey, that was totally not my fault." Selena protested, "And besides, I hear you've moved on from Yugo anyway."

"Yeah, I guess it's not so bad being eternally trapped as a prisoner in Academia so long as I've got BB to look after me." Rin admitted. "His biceps are SO much bigger than Yugo's ever were. What about you, Ruri?" Rin asked. "How are you holding up?"

"Okay, are we just gonna skim over the fact that Selena flat-out admitted that she-…" Yuzu began before she was cut off by Ruri.

"All done cleaning!" Sweet innocent submissive little sister Ruri enthused, wiping away the last of the grime in her tube while humming an adorable little tune. "And now that that's done, I can show Shun what a good little girl I've been before he takes me home to Heartland! Yay!"

Selena stared at Ruri.

"Uhm…Ruri, you do realize that Heartland has been destroyed and that Shun is basically on the run from Academia, right?"

"What!?" Ruri squeaked. "You mean I'm not just on a fun vacation while I wait for my Onii-chan to take me home!?"

"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU!" Ruri suddenly shouted to herself, facial expression and demeanor completely changing. "BUT YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN!"

"But it's okay!" Ruri continued, face changing to a slightly crazy one, "I've been coping just fine. I've not been going crazy! Don Thousand-Sama has told me so! Soon…"

"My Yuto-kun will come for me." Ruri sighed, facial expression shifting once again into a dreamy-eyed one, "And we will make love right in my prison cell after I kill off Yuzu, Selena, Rin, the Tyler Sisters, and anyone else who could lead Yuto's heart astray!"

"What was that about-…" Yuzu began, before Ruri interrupted her once again.

"So how has your day been going, Selena-chan?" Ruri pressed, a massive pleasant grin spreading over her face.

"Bleck, it's been a mess." Selena admitted. "But it'll all be better once I confess my love and win the heart of my Yuri-kun!"

"Ok, what the heck is…!" Yuzu began.

"SO ANYWAY, BYE GUYS!" Selena interrupted, as a squadron of Obelisk Guards showed up to escort her three counterparts to their cells. "I hope you can find it in all your hearts to forgive me for basically throwing you all under the bus just so I can enact my own selfish agenda! Have fun in prison! I regret nothing!"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Yuzu screamed in rage as the guards dragged herself and her counterparts away into their respective prisons. Once they were out of sight, Selena turned around and immediately made her way to small steel-reinforced elevator labeled "NOT a trap" by the professor, which Yuri was standing in, waiting for the doors to shut.

"Freaking hate elevators." Yuri shuddered as he waited for the doors to close and the elevator to descend. "They remind me of my secret fear of claustrophobia and my secret love for Rin, I mean, Selena!" he snarled before noticing Selena approach him.

"NOT A WORD FROM YOU, YUGO!" he shouted at some invisible person before turning to face Selena with a cold expression on his face. "So what do you want, you stupid cat lady?"

"Yuri-kun." Selena timidly began, "I…I have something I must…confess to you."

"Oh boy, here we go again…" Yuri groaned, rolling his eyes in exasperation. "What is it this time? You come to insult my body odor again? My cologne? I've heard it all before, and I know what it REALLY is!"

"R-r-r-really?" Selena asked, blushing a little.

"Yeah! You're jealous of me, aren't you!? You know you can't measure up to me with my mad skillz, my supreme evil, my intimidating physique, or my undying love for Rin!"

"What was that last part?" Selena asked.

"I SAID SHUT UP YUGO!" Yuri roared.

"I'm not Yugo." Selena replied, trying to keep herself calm in order to not ruin the romantic moment she had been preparing for so long.

"I never said you were, Rin!" Yuri hissed, eyes narrowing into slits.

"Yuri, you're not making any sense." Said Selena, wondering if now was not the right time.

 **"** **NO! YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE, RAY!"** Yuri bellowed, eyes glowing a bright purple, **"I DESTROY THE ENTIRE WORLD, JUST FOR YOU, AND YOU'RE LIKE, 'WHAT YOU DID WAS MORALLY WRONG, ZARC! AND THEN I'M ALL, 'BUT RAY IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!' AND THEN YOU'RE LIKE-…!"**

"YURI!" Selena shouted, finally managing to get Yuri's attention. "I have something important to say!"

"Okay, WHAT!?" Yuri snapped. "I don't have all day, **Ray!"**

"I'm not…oh whatever." Selena sighed, taking Yuri's hands in her own, despite how awkward and sweaty they were, and looking a now very confused Yuri in the eyes. "I'm here to make a confession!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" Yuri buzzed, face turning extremely red.

"I love you, Yuri! With all my heart!" Selena blurted out, deciding to just get it off her chest rather than drag things out. "That's why I betrayed the lancers, captured Yuzu, carded Sanders, locked Ruri back up in her tower, tased Shun, carded my own friends, and generally acted like the biggest jerk in the multiverse! It was all so I could get with you! LET'S RUN AWAY TOGETHER AND GET MARRIED!"

Yuri stared at Selena with a stunned expression on his face, sweat beading on his forehead.

"You…l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-like me?" he stammered.

"Yes!" Selena sincerely replied.

"And you wanna…I mean you really wanna…with me…get m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m…"

Selena shook her head "yes."

Sweat began dripping from Yuri's chin and cheeks like rain drops.

"Well of course I accept your confession and proposal!" Yuri laughed, expression suddenly completely changing.

"You do!?" Selena squealed, overjoyed to see that all her vile betrayals had been worth it.

"NO, YOU IDIOT!" Yuri roared, "SHE'S NOT RIN! I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK!"

"W-w-what do you mean!?" Selena squeaked, heart shattering into a million pieces, "What do you mean you didn't tell me to speak!? You're not making any sense!"

 **"** **SHUT UP AND BECOME ONE WITH ME ALREADY!"** Yuri roared, eyes glowing purple.

"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-become one with you!?" Selena gasped, face turning completely pale. "I-I'm not sure I'm ready for that kind of-…"

"Don't worry, Rin!" Yuri reassured her. "I didn't mean to scare you! We'll take things slow and win the Friendship Cup together first before we make any commitments."

"Commitments…Friendship Cup…wha-wha…" Selena sputtered, utterly and completely confused. Staring at Yuri as his eyes kept changing colors and his expression rapidly seemed to swap from three completely different expressions, Selena's initial fear and confusion eventually faded as she began to see what was going on.

"Y-you, you're MOCKING me!?" Selena shouted, tears welling up in the corner of her eyes.

"No Rin!" Yuri pleaded, "I am sincerely-…"

"I AM SINCERELY SAYING TO SHUT UP AND GO AWAY!" Yuri roared. "I DO NOT NEED YOU AND I NEVER WANT TO BE WITH YOU!"

"F-F-FINE THEN!" Selena bellowed. "I DON'T NEED YOU EITHER, YOU BIG STINKING CABBAGE HEAD! I HOPE TO NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN! JERK!"

And as the elevator doors closed, Selena ran from Yuri as fast as she possibly could.

…

"Whew!" Yuri exclaimed with relief once the doors had closed and he began his descent in the elevator. "That was a close one! I almost let Yugo embarrass me! I can't believe it! She said she liked me! In all my evil years of living, I never expected to actually have a girl confess that she liked me! Does this mean I've finally become desirable! I've been utterly insecure about myself for so long, I just don't know what to do! Yugo! Starve Venom! How do I look!? Do you think I stand a chance with Selena!? She's so hot, I've just gotta know! Think I need more cologne!? Hair gel!?"

"YURI!" Ghost Yugo and Starve Venom angrily bellowed.

"Oh come on, what did I do this time!?" Yuri snapped, popping out a can of hair gel he kept in his coat pocket at all times, before dumping it on his head and giving himself some extra pointy hair antennae.

"You told Selena that you never wanted to be with her!" Ghost Yugo snapped.

"I was talking to you, idiot!" Yuri snapped.

"Well she didn't know that!" Starve Venom lectured. "You keep forgetting that not everyone can see poor Ghost Yugo over here! You should call her on your Duel Disk and apologize right now!"

"What!? Apologize!?" Yuri sputtered.

"Yeah, apologize!" Yugo insisted. "You should call her up on your Duel Disk and say, 'I am so sorry my beloved Rinnie-pooh, or Selena-pooh in your case, I was a complete and utter Baka and I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. Please accept my apology and know that I will work to make it up to you.'"

"What!?" Yuri hissed, "There's no way I'm stooping that low! You idiots are the one at fault here anyway! I don't have to apologize to her for anything!"

"Ok, yeah, I'm sorry that I momentarily confused Selena for Rin…" Ghost Yugo apologized.

"Momentarily?" Yuri asked with skepticism.

"But the point is," Ghost Yugo went on, ignoring Yuri's last comment, "that you need to make it up to Selena. Imagine how much you've just hurt her feelings! Whether intentional or not!"

"Ah, I'm sure she's fine." Yuri pooh-poohed with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I mean, what's she gonna do? Drink away her sorrows in some dingy bar before concocting some hair-brained plot just to get back at me?"

 **Meanwhile, in the dingy Academia bar…**

"WHY, YURI-KUN!? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?" Selena bawled as she downed another mug of Moonshine to drown out her sorrows…her moonlight sorrows.

"BB think you need calm down." BB admonished as he cleared away another drink just as Selena ordered another one.

"Oh shut up…BP…or whatever you're…HIC…name is." Selena hiccupped before downing another mug, tears streaming down her face. "You don't know…HIC…what I'm going through right now! Why, Yuri-kun!?" she bawled, "Why did you have to break my…HIC…heart like that!? Is it because I'm not…HIC…as pretty as that…HIC…Rin chick!? IS THAT…HIC…IT!?"

"Why you even care about Yuri anyway?" BB asked, filling out a check for Selena's bar tab.

"BB…do you even understand why I first fell in love with him?" Selena groaned, feeling the effects of the various drinks she had drunk getting to her.

"Uh…" BB replied.

"Well let me…HIC…tell you!" Selena replied.

 **FLASHBACK!**

 _"_ _Here, Selena, have this stupid bandana!" Said Yuri, throwing a yellow strip of cloth he didn't even care about in Selena's direction._

 _"_ _OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH!" Selena thought to herself after catching the bandana and holding it close to her face as tears streamed down each of her cheeks. "This is the nicest gift anyone has ever given to me! It's so yellow and warm and it smells just like Yuri! I'm totally gonna put this in my hair and wear it like a bow! And then Yuri and I will become friends and we'll go on dates and get engaged and get married and buy a house and have kids and get old and CorinnetheAnime and Donjusticia will write a bunch of collaborative fanfics about all of it and…EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Selena finished, squealing out-loud with delight._

"And that's how it happened." Selena sighed, a dreamy expression coming over her face as she reminisced.

BB stared at her.

"BB think you read too much into this."

"Oh shut up! What we had was real!" Selena protested.

"He gave you old bandana." BB muttered.

"It was the best gift I had ever received from anyone." Selena dreamily sighed.

"You not have many friends in childhood…or now." BB observed.

"I WAS DESPERATE, OKAY!? ARE YOU HAPPY!?" Selena spat. "And besides, even if I did read just a TINY bit more affection into that gesture than what there actually was, who does Yuri think he is!? That idiot has messed with the wrong bracelet girl! Nobody says 'NO' to Selena!"

"True." BB agreed.

"Dismissed! Rejected! PUBLICALLY HUMILIATED! Why it's more than I can bear!" Selena hissed, nocking aside her mug.

"More Beer?" BB asked.

"Why bother!" Selena bawled, "Nothing helps! No matter how much liquor I down, which technically shouldn't even be available to a fourteen-year-old like me, I can never drown out my sorrow, my moonlight sorrow!"

"Selena, BB think you gotta pull yourself together!" the Battle Beast insisted, putting on a top-hat and grabbing a cane from out of nowhere.

"Battle Beast?" Selena groaned, "What the heck are you…?"

 **Selena**

 **(A parody of "Gaston" from "Beauty and the Beast" which is pretty Much Nox Descious's song, which he provided as a joke and which I have shamelessly taken the liberty of STEALING!)**

Battle Beast: Gosh it disturb BB to see Selena, looking so down in the dumps!

Every girl here want to be Selena! Even when taking your lumps!

There no girl in Yu-Gi-Oh as admired as you! One day Yuri will apologize!

Everyone's awed and inspired by you and it's not very hard to see WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

*A bunch of Obelisk Soldiers notice Selena's hot bod and sigh*

Battle Beast: NOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOONE fight like Selena,

owns the night like Selena,

no one duels with a deck of Moonlights like Selena!

For there's no girl around half as awesome! A perfect and pure paragon!

You can ask Rin and Yuzu and Ruri, and they'll tell you who's side they prefer to be OOOOOOOOOOON!

Obelisk Soldiers: NOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOONE'S hot like Selena, defeats Gods like Selena, no one has such a beautiful bod like Selena!

Selena: As a Bracelet Girl yes I am super sexy!

Battle Beast and Obelisk Soldiers: MY WHAT A GAL, SELENA!

Obelisk Soldiers: Bury the Xyz Scum!

Put em in their graves!

Battle Beast: Selena's the best and the rest are her slaves!

*Toasts Selena, but accidently spills the drink on Selena's face*

Obelisk Guards: *Watching as Selena loses her temper* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE *Watch as Selena uppercuts BB* Fights like Selena!

Knocks-out lights like Selena!

Battle Beast: In a wrestling match nobody…

Obelisk Guard: *Getting bitten by Selena and her monsters* BITES LIKE SELENA!

Tyler Sisters: For there's no Mary Sue quite as flawless! *both get OTKed by Selena*

AHHHHH!

Selena: *Shuffling her deck* As you can see, I've got combos to spare!

Battle Beast: You can bet she can defeat all of us.

Selena: THAT'S RIGHT!

And I won't even mess up my perfect blue hair!

Obelisk Soldiers: No one eats like Selena!

Fuses beasts like Selena!

Battle Beast: Even in a rigged match, no one can cheat Selena!

Selena: Yes my strategy is really quite fascinating! YUUGO SHOUKAN!

Obelisk Soldiers: You win this round Selena!

Selena: When I was a kid I dueled four dozen mooks

Ev'ry morning to help me get strong!

And now that I'm grown I duel five dozen mooks

So I'm roughly the size of Goooooooooooooong…genzaka.

Obelisk Soldiers: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOONE plays like Selena!

OTKs like Selena!

Battle Beast: Then goes tromping around in purple boots like Selena!

Selena: I use kittens as my primary deck theme!

Obelisk Soldiers: My what a gaaaaaaaaal!

Selenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

"ALRIGHT!" Selena shouted after finishing the show-stopping musical number Nox Descious had been begging for her to perform for months. "I'VE JUST HAD A HAIR-BRAINED IDEA! Yuri thinks he can reject me and get away with it!? Well guess what, I'm gonna get back at him (and to a MUCH lesser extent) the Professor, by messing up the Arc-Area project! C'mon BB! We're headed to the dungeons!"

 **Hope you enjoy Nox Descious. Another chapter with another "Beauty and the Beast" song parody is coming soon, but for now, please enjoy this as my last pre-birthday gift. May you have a wonderful birthday celebration and a wonderful new year of your life!**


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **THE FOLLOWING IS ONLY BEING UPDATED BECAUSE IT'S NOXY'S BIRTHDAY! OR LATE BIRTHDAY, TO BE MORE EXACT…HAPPY CELEBRATING TAKING ONE MORE STEP INTO THE GRAVEYARD, I MEAN, GY, NOX!**

Moonlight Mood-Swings – Chapter 5: King Me

Yugo, Yuri, and Starve Venom were still arguing as the elevator descended down into what was totally not a trap set up by the professor.

"I still say you should go back to Selena and apologize." Ghost Yugo argued, glaring at the obstinate Yuri, who still refused to admit he'd done anything wrong.

"Yeah, well I say that your name sounds like the Japanese word for Fusion, so your point is invalid!" Yuri shot back.

"That doesn't even make any sense!" Yugo exclaimed.

"Guys! Guys! A budding romance is in danger!" Starve Venom pleaded. "Can't we all just put our petty arguments aside and focus on comforting Selena?"

 **"** **Starve Venom's right."** Zarc agreed, appearing behind Yugo and Yuri with a "SATAN" headband around his pale ghostly forehead. **"We should totally fuse together and destroy the world."**

"You make a good point." Yuri conceded, stroking his chin in thought. "If we did fuse together, then we could totally destroy the world."

"Ok, who the heck are you?" Yugo asked, backing away from the stranger. "And what the heck does any of what you just said have to do with any of our relationship problems?"

 **"** **Well, I'm basically you."** Zarc replied, shaking Yugo's hand. **"Just the more awesome version of you that all the readers actually care about. Now, I'll concede that the two of you are making some good points in regards to Selena's feelings, but you've failed to take into account that if we just fused together, then we could, in fact, destroy the world."**

"Yeah, Yugo! Why aren't you getting with the program?" Yuri complained. "It's not exactly hard to understand! If we fused together, we could destroy the world!"

 **"** **See, Yugo, this guy gets it."** Zarc said with a smile, patting Yuri on the back.

"You guys aren't making any sense!" Yugo sputtered. "Where in the world did this sudden desire to destroy the world come from!?"

"Yeah, sorry, it was sort of my old master's gig…not that I was ever that into it…" Starve Venom mumbled, twiddling his thumbs together in embarrassment.

 **"** **Shut up, Venom."** Zarc growled, **"And look, Yugo, the question we really should be asking is, 'Why haven't we already fused together and destroyed the world?'"**

"Uhhhhhhh…because it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever!" Yugo roared. "What would we freaking have left to live for if we just up and destroyed the world for no reason!?"

 **"** **Fair point, fair point."** Zarc conceded, looking thoughtful, **"Counterpoint…what would we have to live for if we** ** _didn't_** **fuse together and totally destroy the world?**

"Yeah, Yugo, did you ever stop to consider that?" Yuri huffed, folding his arms with contempt. "Honestly, Zarc. Sometimes I wonder about that one."

"You guys are unbelievable." Yugo murmured. "It's like I can't say anything to either of you without you guys immediately going back to destroying the world!"

 **"** **Well, destroying the world is the only thing that matters."** Zarc reasoned, tone patient and even.

"And the only thing that matters is destroying the world." Yuri agreed. "So, how do we start?"

 **"** **First, you'll have to engage your other counterparts in a mindless battle to the death, with me brain-controlling the two of you against your will."** Zarc explained. **"From there, it's just a simple matter of fusing together, and destroying the world."**

"Sounds reasonable." Yuri mused. "I can definitely see nothing in that plan that would be detrimental to me or the people I cared about in any way. So where is that stupid tomato-head anyway?"

 **"** **I'll take control of your body and soul in a moment."** Zarc promised. **"First, I think you have a minor Season 2 throwback you'll need to take care of."**

"Ugh! Fine!" Yuri groaned. "I'll take care of whoever this idiot is, but after that, we'd better focus on totally destroying the world!"

 **"** **Oh, don't worry. That longing will completely consume you with insanity before long. Tah Tah for now!"** Zarc called as he sank back into Yuri and Yugo's collective soul-space.

At that moment, the elevator door opened and Yuri walked out into a dank dungeon.

"Wait a second…" Yuri mused, squinting at the dimly lit stretching racks, thumb screws, and iron maidens, "…was this a trap the whole time!?"

In answer, Jean-Michelle Roger/Roget/Rogert/Whatever crawled out from under a blanket.

"Haw haw! Fooled you!" the most impressive villain in all of Arc-V cackled (and that is totally not sarcastic), "You thought that the professor was just sending you down into the dark scary basement so you could fetch him some toenail crème, but in fact, it will be YOU who gets turned into toenail creme!"

"…what?" Yuri asked, completely confused.

"Silince, leetle man!" Sock Puppet Sergey growled, rising up against the weak-minded Roger and slapping some sense into him. "Let strongker Synchro Russian puppet man do menacing talking!"

"Ouch! Y-yes, Puppet Sergey!" Roger replied, before meekly exiting the room, leaving Yuri to face the menacing sock puppet alone.

"Sock Puppet Sergey." Yuri mused. "I should have known that Leo wouldn't have been smart enough to come up with a plan as diabolical as this one!"

"Indeed, leetle boy." Sock Puppet Sergey sneered, "I'd vas I who convinced eediot professor to lock you and other dragon boys in gas chamber so zat you vould all instantly die! Now you realize truth only too leetle too late! While my superior sock-puppet body vill survive deadly poison, you vill all perish in agony! Throw the switch now, leetle Roger! Flood zis chamber vith noxious VX gas!"

"Uh…about that…" Roger called back, voice muffled by a gas mask he was wearing, "…I kind of forgot to install the gas dispensers in this chamber."

"VAT!?" Sock Puppet Sergey roared, grabbing Jean-Michelle Roger by the collar and violently shaking the small inferior human. "Zen how do ve destroy leetle dragon boys now!?"

"Well…we could try the conventional means." Roger suggested.

"Very vell zen." Sock Puppet Sergey growled. "Bring me strongkest chess-themed deck ve have and I shall crush leetle dragon boy vith my superior dueling powers!"

"Uh….about that as well…" Roger mumbled, "…I kind of sort of…forgot to pack the deck Donjusticia designed for us…so…I think we'll have to make do with this one…"

"VAT!?" Sock Puppet Sergey roared, slapping Roger across the face with one of his immensely strong sock puppet arms. "YOU STOOPID EEDIOT LEETLE FLESHLING! I should drown you in strongkest Synchro Russian Vodka right now!"

"Not to be rude or anything," Yuri interrupted. "but I think I'm just gonna leave and fuse with my counterparts now."

"Yeah, even I can't handle this much weirdness." Yugo admitted.

"Stay vight zere!" Sock Puppet Sergey roared. "Nobody gets to leave zis chamber until von of us eez defeated in epic duel vith strongk monsters! Behold ze power of my second-best deck! I summon Checkers Cheater – Black Piece!"

In front of the socket puppet, a small round disk dropped onto the field.

That's it.

What? It's a checkers piece! It's not going to do anything else!

 **Checkers Cheater – Black Piece / LAUGH / Level 4 ½ / Meme / Effect / ATK Moderately effective / DEF Moderately useless**

"Really? That's your play?" Yuri laughed. "You honestly think you can defeat the great Yuri with something so weak?"

"Stoopid leetle boy does not know vhen he is cornered!" Sock Puppet Sergey cackled, "Or in this case, because is checkers game, his piece is out in the open and NOT in a corner so he can be easily JUMPED! BEHOLD! I next summon Checkers Cheater – Red Piece to YOUR field, before summoning a bunch more checkers pieces until we are literally playing checkers instead of duel monsters!"

Yuri watched as the duel field was replaced with a small checkerboard table, with two chairs for Yuri and Sock Puppet Sergey to sit at while they played.

"Really?" Yuri grimaced.

"YES!" Sock Puppet Sergey laughed. "Is infallible strategy! Everyone knows only vay to defeat strongk unbeatable duelist, Yuri, is to challenge him to game zat isn't even duel monsters! Now! Make your move and hope you don't set yourself up for deadly triple jump!"

"Oh no! He's got us cornered…or rather…NOT cornered!" Yugo exclaimed in utter shock.

"Yeah, I get it." Yuri sighed.

"You veady to play, leetle man?" Sock Puppet Sergey mocked, "Or does leetle baby vant his diapers changed now?"

"Alright, Sock Puppet Sergey, I'll play your sick game!" Yuri growled, before sitting at the table and taking his turn.

 **Less than a minute later…**

"King me." Yuri smugly ordered after capturing Sock Puppet Sergey's second-to-last piece.

"Ve play different game now!" Sock Puppet Sergey roared, knocking aside the checkerboard and setting up a game of Monopoly.

"OOH! OOH!" Yugo exclaimed within Yuri. "I love this game! Can I be the car!?"

"I'm alveady car." Sock Puppet Sergey smugly replied, snagging the piece before handing Yuri the thimble. "Now ve play monopoly to see who is best and luckiest businessman! Vinner gets to decide next game ve play!"

"Look, Sock Puppet Sergey, it's clear you're just here to waste my time." Yuri grumbled. "I've got stuff to do, and besides, only a complete idiot would-…"

"We accept your terms!" Yugo piped in, suddenly taking control. "You're on, Sock Puppet Sergey!"

"Son…of…a…!" Yuri roared.

 **Passing GO later…**

"VHAT!? IMPOSSIBLE!?" Sock Puppet Sergey exclaimed, completely aghast. "HOW COULD PUNY LEETLE BIKE BOY ROLL DICE SO PERFECTLY HE BUYS ALL PROPERTIES ON FIRST ROUND!?"

"I'm honestly just as confused as you are." Yugo shrugged, platinum fur coat and gold-plated sunglasses gleaming in the dim-dungeon light as he absent-mindedly tossed some dice into the air before catching it again.

"Look, can you just surrender now." Yuri grumbled. "We're clearly gonna win, so…"

"NO!" Sock Puppet Sergey roared, knocking over the Monopoly board and fishing through the other board games littering the ground. "Now ve play Hi-Ho Cheerio!"

"OOH! OOH! I LOVE THIS GAME!" Starve Venom exclaimed, clapping his claws together with glee.

"YOU SHUT UP!" Yuri roared.

 **"** **Sorry I'm late guys."** Zarc apologized, appearing behind them once again. **"I was just finishing up putting some more hair gel in my…"**

He suddenly paused when he saw what Yugo and Yuri were doing.

 **"** **Let me guess, got stuck in a filler chapter?"** Zarc guessed.

"Got stuck in a filler chapter." Yugo and Yuri sighed.

 **"** **Well, it's a good thing I'm here to fix it then."** Zarc shrugged. **"Here, Yuri! Have some demonic shadow blaster powers!"**

"Oh yeah! I'd forgotten I could do this!" Yuri rejoiced before oozing black shadows from his body. "Time to blast our way out of here!"

"Vait! But you can't just-!" Sock Puppet Sergey objected, before Yuri blasted him the face with his powers and proceeding to blow his way out of Leo's flimsy prison.

"Okay, but we're only escaping so that you can apologize to Selena. Right?" Yugo asked.

"Uh-huh, yeah, sure." Yuri replied, proceeding to climb up the elevator shaft.

"This is not just so you can use your newfound powers to destroy the world and everyone in it?" Yugo continued.

"Uh-huh, yeah, sure." Yuri repeated, not even looking at Yugo.

"You're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you?" Yugo grumbled.

"Uh-huh, yeah, sure." Yuri nonchalantly agreed before climbing up out of the elevator where Reiji and Reira were waiting for him.

"Well, if it isn't the notorious Yuri." Reiji mused. "I suppose that, now that we're here, I shall have to engage you in an epic-"

"DARK POWER BLAST NO JUTSU!" Yuri roared, incinerating Reiji on the spot before skipping along down the hallways of the castle.

Sighing, Reira peaced out of the story, hoping to score another saxophone-playing gig with Donjusticia.

"Hey Yuri," Asuka asked, "would you mind directing me to the fanfic where I can be a relevant-?"

"DARK POWER BLAST!" Yuri repeated, frying the irrelevant female character on the spot before proceeding to Leo's throne room.

 **Meanwhile, in another part of this fanfic…**

"Well, if it isn't you, Shun." Selena growled, meeting Ruri's overprotective brother in the hallway while Yuri was busy being OP.

"Indeed, my naïve cat-girl compatriot." Shun replied. "You thought I would just fade into the background as an irrelevant crazy bird-boy, while you got to grow as a Mary Sue. But now, it shall be you who fades into the background as I, Shun Kurosaki, become this story's MAIN CHARACTER!"

"Tell that to my White Tiger Cat Goddess who totally can't lose!" Selena countered, summoning her utterly invincible anti-Zarc ace monster.

"Hah!" Shun replied. "You've fallen right into my trap, or should I say, Nox Decious's trap!"

"What are you saying!?" Selena exclaimed.

"You see, foolish child," Shun explained, "you may be Nox Decious's favorite character, but you didn't count on one thing! The author's irrational need to have all characters win an equal amount of times!"

"Audible gasp!" Selena exclaimed.

"NOW BEHOLD!" Shun cackled, "As I summon my Raid Raptor Ultimate Falcon! Normally my strongest monster is ironically defeated in every duel its summoned in. Yet now, with Nox Descious's blessing, I randomly have the power to defeat you! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY GIANT METAL BIRDY! AHHHHHH HAW HAW HAW HAW!"

"I blame you, White Tiger Goddess." Selena growled.

"La culpa fue tuya!" White Tiger Goddess retorted in Spanish, because Donjusticia can't shut up about his ability to speak a second language.

BOOM!

"Ah, haw, haw, haw!" Shun laughed. "And now, Selena, because you willingly betrayed us, locked up my sister, and carded my comrades, I am about to give you a taste of your own medicine!"

"Wait…before you do that," Selena replied, defensively holding up your hands, "you should know that I am suddenly totally and completely sorry for everything. I just feel so…so sincerely awful for doing that…stuff."

"That's a B.S. apology, but I accept it anyway!" Shun replied, helping Selena to her feet. "Now let's put all our past grudges behind us and free the other bracelet girls!"

"Yaaaaaaaaaaay, we're free!" Yuzu, Ruri, and Rin cheered as they were all instantly freed from the Academia dungeons.

"And nothing can spoil our happiness!" Selena celebrated.

"Hi, I'm Barrett, proud drinker of Diet Mooks and Diet Mooks Twist (a boring minion, but with a plot twist!) and I'm here to spoil your happiness!" Said Barrett, appearing out of nowhere.

"Whelp, looks like I'm gonna have to defeat my mentor and father figure." Selena growled, cracking her knuckles.

"Plot twist! I'm dueling him instead because I have an inferiority complex!" Yuzu countered, jumping into the duel just so she could save her good name.

"I summon a bunch of monsters nobody will even remember!" Barrett declared.

"I Pendulum Summon from out of nowhere and pull a giant singing siren from out of my butt!" Yuzu countered, instantly defeating Barrett!

 **Diet Mooks Twist is a proud sponsor of this series!**

"Whelp, that was easy." Selena shrugged. "Now what should we do?"

 _"_ _We must immediately run pell-mell to the Academia throne room in order to talk some sense into my maniacally insane abusive boyfriend who I'm still not over!"_ Ray proclaimed.

"Oh, come on, we don't need to do that. I mean…what are the chances of Zarc coming back?" Selena complained.

 **Meanwhile, in another pointless epic battle!**

Epic battle music of the reader's choice blared in the background as Yuya and Yuri fought. Overhead, Zarc encouraged both his counterparts to do their best, while pulling on their puppet strings.

 **"** **Keep up the good work!"** Zarc encouraged, **"Obviously, I'm not picking favorites, but I am definitely thinking Yuri has this one in the bag!"**

"Dark Power Blast!" Yuri roared, firing a blast of energy at Yuya.

"Darker Power Blast!" Yuya countered, firing a blast of even more horrific stuff at Yuri, taking the cabbage lord out in a K.O.

 **"** **Ohhhhhhhhh! Did not expect that coming."** Zarc consoled. **"But the good news is, now we can totally get back to destroying the world!"**

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay." Yuri groaned from his crater before Yuya proceeded to Om-nom his soul.

…

"Yeah…we should probably go." Selena agreed, "But first, I must defeat BB, who has inexplicably gone evil again for no reason!"

"Leo give BB banana." BB shrugged.

"Down boy! Sit! Sit! Good Boy!" Selena ordered, instantly using her dominance to get BB to behave.

"BB good now." BB agreed, rolling onto his back and panting like a dog.

"Excellent!" Selena nodded, "And now that that's over with, the four of us bracelet girls can finally defeat Leo!"

 **…**

 **Starve Venom Fusion Dragon: Hi there. So…sorry to pause the story for a bit, but…I feel like some of you readers were having trouble following this story's slightly accelerated pace. You see, author Donjusticia has a lot of stuff to write, and he doesn't want to have to spend his time parodying all the chapters Nox Descious wrote. So, he is doing what is called, abridging, or in this case, hyper abridging, shortening the events of Nox Descious's story while in a crazed hyperactive sugar-rush from the various snack foods and drinks he has consumed for this purpose. We hope this clears up any of the confusion you may have all been experiencing, and that you can proceed with enjoying this story at your leisure. Thank you.**

 **…**

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my 25% daughters." Leo mused, his back turned to the bracelet girls in a totally evil villain pose, before dramatically turning around to face them. "We meet again, at last!"

"We just talked like, half an hour ago." Selena replied.

"Don't lecture me, Selena!" Leo roared. "None of you can stop me from enacting my hair-brained scheme to resurrect one daughter in exchange for billions upon billions of lives!"

"Oh my gosh, he's completely insane!" Selena gasped. "There's no way he's going to listen to reason unless his daughter, Ray, shows up!"

"But how can we possibly summon Ray?" Yuzu asked. "The process to summon her must be very intensive, similar to how Zarc needs to have his counterparts defeat each other in duels!"

 _"_ _Nope!"_ Ray retorted from within their bracelets, _"Ya'll just have to twirl around, wave your bracelets in circles, and say the magic words!"_

"Ravioli, ravioli, fuse the bracelet-girl lolis!" all four counterparts chanted in unison before instantly fusing into #ARC-VBESTGIRL.

"Hooray for plot convenience." Ray cheered. "And now, Father, even though Zarc is on the rampage and I must defeat him, I must first duel you because YOU'RE A FREAKING IDIOT!"

"Oh yeah?" Leo retorted, "Well I summon a bunch of SoR spoilers, while not acknowledging that any of my past actions were completely unnecessary!"

"I summon a bunch of OP B.S. to squash your SoR spoilers, which will probably never be seen in SoR anyway because Donjusticia's FREAKING SLOW!"

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Leo exclaimed as he was ironically blown away by the very person he had sworn to protect.

"And now, it is time to finally defeat Zarc!" Ray declared, "Eventually! …whenever Nox Descious decides to update…."

 **"** **GHOST OF ZARCMAS PAST DARK POWER BLAST!"** Zarc roared from outside.

"FREAKING HURRY UP!" Ray screamed at Nox Descious.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…EVENTUALLY…**

 **Happy late birthday, my friend! You and your fanfiction stories are awesome, and I look forward to seeing more of you and your work in the year to come! May this next cycle of your life bring much joy, learning, and all the Selena fan-service you can handle! And with that, THIS PARODY IS FINALLY CAUGHT UP! Get the next chapter done, and you'll get another birthday present like this one! See you next time!**


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